Picks

This weekend we have some extremely important games. In fact, most of these fixtures are a barometer of sorts. The fact of the matter is that we are now far enough into the season that teams should be showing their true quality. So, on to the picks:

Derby time: Arsenal vs. Tottenham

There are serious questions being asked of both of these teams. Tottenham's question is, "can they roll with the big boys?" Arsenal's is, "do they have the defensive chops and big-game credentials?" The answer to both questions is ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING WAY.

Redknapp has built a team with a strong work ethic that plays hard, but every single player there has been either a fringe player for a big club, or never played for one at all. There is quality, but the mentality about facing one of the Big Four remains the same. When shit gets tight, Tottenham will buckle.

Arsenal concede goals like it's their job. The only difference is, they score like it too. Sounds like a certain Spanish Champion, with one difference: the bench. Arsenal's bench is too weak, and against Spurs they'll have to grab the lead and hold on tight. A comeback wouldn't be too much to ask for, but I predict another thriller at the Emirates. 4-2 Arsenal takes charge in the beginning of the second half.

Bolton vs. Chelsea

Bolton have a very very physical aspect to their play and are fantastic in the air. Chelsea is the same, but sometimes suffer from set pieces. Would it be too much to predict that Kevin Davies scores off of a corner, but Chelsea wins comfortably? 3-1 Chelsea, with at least one ejection and 6 cautions.

Bolton just want to stay midtable, and they don't SERIOUSLY expect to win. They'll play for a 1-1 draw. Chelsea, on the other hand, need to steamroll Bolton in order to keep their title hopes alive. This match will get nasty, and the end result could have far reaching effects. Hopefully nobody gets injured, but I expect either Ballack, Cole, or Carvalho to come limping off at some point.

Burnley vs. Hull City

Hull City are the whipping boys of the Premier League and although both these clubs are tipped for relegation, Hull will still think they'll have a fighting chance at this one. It's possible if they score early, but Burnley's home form has been outrageously good this year. Look for a 2-1 Burnley win, with Hull scoring at the last minute but it not meaning shit. Burnley's in a good place. Hull? Relegated, and I'd bet my life on it.

Everton vs. Aston Villa

Home advantage, David Moyes, and the DESPERATE need for a win makes this game a back-against-the-wall type of situation for the blues. I think they'll eke out a 1-1 draw, because Villa's attack is simply too strong to withstand. Look for Tim Cahill in the air. The result of this match can mean many different things: Villa winning comfortably means crisis time at Goodison and cheers all around for Villa. Everton winning comfortably means the crisis is over, and is a good building block to recover from. The draw, my prediction, means that both teams are fucked; they each need points, and didn't get enough. A tight win for either side will be a morality boost for both but a consolation for neither.

Fulham vs. Liverpool

I remember this fixture on the back end of last year. I was in Dublin and when Yossi scored the place went fucking nuts. Expect him to put in a stellar performance again, with Kuyt shackled on the wing. Torres, if he gets on the scoresheet, will only grab one. Expect Lucas to have a big game, and I wouldn't be surprised if he scores. With Carragher and Agger back to their best, the only question is at right back, where Johnson won't be playing. No matter; 2-0 to Liverpool in a reassuring performance for Rafa.

Portsmouth vs Wigan

Portsmouth need a win. They won't get it. Rodallega will get a goal and an assist. Portsmouth will be summarily dismantled, although they could get a goal from the one Israeli dude who keeps popping up with random goals. Who cares. Wigan 2-0 Portsmouth in what is actually a fun match to watch. Portsmouth play decently sexy football although their finishing isn't quite there.

Stoke vs. Wolves

Welcome to the home of the most underrated side in the Premiership, Stoke City. Sit back and strap in, because they don't play pretty, they don't play nice, they just play to win. Hey, who cares how it looks if all 3 points are in the bag, right? The uncompromising Stoke defense will hold Wolves' admittedly weak attack at bay, and they'll do what they do best: grind out a win. 1-0 Stoke.

Sunderland vs. West Ham

The Hammers are in deep shit, and the outcome of this game probably won't help them. Darrent Bent has been absolutely on fire this year, and this game is the big test: if he scores, he's back onto it. If he doesn't score, I'll probably sell him from my fantasy team. The Hammers showed grit against Arsenal but it was also due to a bit of luck. Sunderland have built a VERY strong team and I fully expect West Ham to get the goose egg. 3-0 Sunderland if Darren Bent scores, otherwise 2-1 Sunderland.

Manchester United vs. Blackburn

Holy shit do I feel bad for Blackburn. I'd bet that they'll have tried to tighten up their defenses after the embarassment against Chelsea, and the question is will it work? The answer is no. United play a completely different way than Chelsea, with completely different players. I fully expect goals from Berbatov, Valencia, and Nani. In fact, I'll go so far as to predict ANOTHER disaster for the poor Blackburn supporters. When Manchester United smells blood, everyone wants to get in on the act. 5-0 Manchester United.

That Passport Does Wonders

Congratulations Amauri! Two goals and one assist in a clutch game for the Old Lady, against one of the most prolific strike forces in the league, and a not-unskilled defense. Sampdoria had been riding high, but Juventus shut them down.

Juventus has an enormous advantage over many teams in Europe. They have THREE top class strikers that can play up front ON THEIR OWN. That is an absolutely rarity. They also have Giovinco, Del Piero, and Diego to offer them support. Camoranesi and Giovinco can also roam on the wing, while Sissoko, Felipe Melo, Tiago, and Christian Poulson take care of the middle. How is it that a team like this wasn't smashing the ball into the net 5 times a game like they did today?

Injuries play a huge part in this. ADP is still out for a month, Caceres has a broken nose, and several other plays are in some way, shape or form incapacitated. I've said it before and I've said it again, wait til Juve get a full strength squad up and running. It'll be quite fearsome for the opposition.

Juventus has had problems up top recently. The issue, it seems, is with those same three strikers I've been raving about. Amauri was in a huge goal draught, Trezeguet had problems with the higher-ups, and Iaquinta is now recovering from surgery (this will take about 40 days). So despite the absolutely amazing support that they recieve, they simply couldn't put the ball in the net. Enter Amauri's Italian passport. He must be thrilled to get it, because he's already hit 4 goals in the league and he's aiming for more. When he's on form, Amauri is an incredibly powerful frontman. He's very strong and amazing in the air, but he's Brazilian so he understands slick passing and teamplay. The problem is, he hasn't been on form- until now. The added mental boost of finally getting that passport after waiting so long must have paid off. Amauri, if he stays healthy, will now start banging them in like it's his fucking job. Which it is.

He'd be a safe bet for any fantasy team out there, and there's an added bonus: finally, the Italian National Team will have a target man that doesn't suck a monstrous cock. Luca Toni, you've had your time in the sun, but Amauri is stepping up. Gilardino doesn't perform in big games when it counts, and he's not a target man, he's a poacher. When playing with a single striker up top, the Azzurri can finally afford to play a stronger midfield and fill that trequartista role that they've been missing. This is a country that has always, always, ALWAYS been reliant on it's supporting second-striker role, and their run at the upcoming World Cup will reflect the quality available in that position. For that reason, I would like to make this recommendation to Marcello Lippi, unrelated though it may be to this post:

Call up Antonio Cassano. If you don't, Italy will not even make it to the quarterfinals of the World Cup.

Bouncing Back

Great teams bounce back. Period. So when two supposed favorites in the Champions League lost their respective games, it took exactly 4 days for each to show whether or not they had what it takes.

Guess what? Liverpool isn't just a two-man team. Technically, they can be a one-man team when Fernando Torres is given half a chance. In seriousness, Liverpool played like their title hopes depended on this game, which they did. And they came through admirably, beating Manchester United comprehensively. It's not as though ManU has lost its bite after Ronaldo and Tevez left; they've simply reorganized at the front. They're more of a squad club now.

Liverpool has two world class players, a couple of very very good players, and the rest simply good players. When one of those world class players, Torres, comes through for them, they're unstoppable. It shows real character to beat one of their biggest rivals after losing 4 straight.

Now granted, without Ronaldo and Tevez, Manchester United have scored fewer goals. Their strikers consist of a semi-injured poacher, a languid playmaker, and a top-quality support striker. Who is going to take the initiative? Nobody, and that's why Carragher and Agger dealt so smoothly with everything United had to offer. With the aging Rio Ferdinand and the temperamental Vidic in the back, Liverpool know that it's only a matter of time before they set Torres loose. They played like winners today, and considering the state of the boardroom, finances, and record of the club, that's quite a compliment.

Real Madrid on the other hand has the raw talent to win the treble. The question is, will they? With them, the problem is mental. Nobody is saying that a team with Kaka, Xabi Alonso, Granero, Raul, Benzema, and Casillas in the back isn't good enough... nobody, that is, except for the players themselves. The draw with Sporting Gijon highlights the problems with buying a team instead of building one. Not only do the players have to gel together, but they have to get used to winning. Neither of these things have happened, and it will start to turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more they lose, the more they'll believe they can't win. There's really only one thing that can halt this slide, and I hate to say it: Cristiano Ronaldo. He single-handedly wins games and he makes players around him better just by being on the pitch. When he's in the game, players are mentally more confident because they know that he can pick up the pieces. If Ronaldo's return doesn't bolster the failing Madrid, then we will see quite a few changes in the management. Hell, Pellegrini could be sacked this weekend.

Liverpool are used to winning. This Madrid team isn't. That mentality is the difference between a three goal comeback in Instanbul, and a 0-0 draw to a relegation-tipped side. Don't expect too much from the Merengues this season.

Le Underrated

The team that nobody saw coming: Lyon. Take a good look at them now, because they're going places in the Champions League. Getting rid of Benzema could have been a blessing in disguise. Check out who they bought: Gomis, Cissokho, and Lisandro. All for getting rid of a single striker (and the aging Juninho). They recieved very little press coverage and have been quietly turning themselves into a force to be reckoned with.

Lyon have scored 7 goals and conceded 1 in the Champions League. Considering their opponents, that is impressive. Lyon went to Anfield and got a win. Now, let's not forget that Gerrard and Torres were absent, but a win at Anfield is a win at Anfield. Last season, Liverpool had the most high-powered offense in the league. Lyon let in a single goal from them and scored 2 of their own. Then they blanked Fiorentina, a small club that is quickly rising to the level of Champions League regulars. Fiorentina's offense is no less potent; Mutu, Gilardino, Jovetic, with Vargas adding goals and support from Zanetti and Montolivo in the midfield. That says quite a bit about Lyon's defense. They are now virtually guaranteed to finish top of their group, and who knows what could happen from there.

Meanwhile, we could see Liverpool parachute into the Europa League. I hope they do, because it is pretty much the only thing that can guarantee Rafa getting the sack. Bye bye.

Lyon can take on almost any team in the Champions League right now. Chelsea and Barcelona are the two exceptions, and of course the unpredictable AC Milan. But look for them to head to the quarterfinals this season. You heard it here first.

Strikers Ranked

The world's best strikers, ranked as I see fit.

1. Didier Drogba

2. David Villa

3. Fernando Torres

4. Zlatan Ibrahimovic

5. Wayne Rooney

6. Thierry Henry

7. Ruud van Nistelrooy

8. Samuel Eto'o

9. Robin van Persie

10. Luis Fabiano

and finally

11. Thomas Vermaelen

Ok sike on that last one. He does have a way of scoring goals though, doesn't he?

Happens to the Best of Us

Barcelona lost today, to a vastly inferior side. It wasn't that FC Rubin Kazan shouldn't have won- they earned everything they got. But Barcelona had 20 shots and probably close to 70% possession. They hit the post twice and had appeals for penalties denied. If Lady Luck was smiling on anybody tonight, it was the Russians.

Barcelona are still joint group leaders, and they will likely win their group. Inter is in last place and they drew two of those games at home. Imagine how it will be when they play in Ukraine... or at the Nou Camp. Barcelona just lost at home, but they get to host Inter and Dinamo later on. The question is, will this happen again?

A draw this weekend with Valencia, combined with this loss, should have Pep seething. He was missing Thierry Henry and now he's also missing Dani Alves for three weeks. Real Madrid are on an upsurge right now. If Barcelona don't get their shit together IMMEDIATELY, they risk losing the title. Barca need to get positive momentum going so they can a) beat Rubin Kazan in Russia, and b) beat Real Madrid in the league a few weeks later. Should both of those things come to pass, and the squad stays injury free, we could see Barcelona regain their crown as La Liga AND Champions League kings. You heard it here first.

Uh Oh

It's officially crisis time-- again. And this is the earliest it's ever happened.

Liverpool just lost 4 games on the trot. They have their two main (only) players sidelined with injuries, and no viable replacements. They are financially hamstrung and they're losing support every second.

What to do? Well the answer is simple, and it's been coming for quite some time: GET RID OF RAFA. This might finally be the season that does it. If Liverpool bounce out of the Champions League Group Stage and into the Europa League, Rafa will get the chop. And good riddance.

Everything about this guy is fucking ridiculous. His inane rotation policy? Why? What purpose does it serve except to destabilize those players with a decent run of form?

Positioning formations? Who the fuck puts Fabio Aurelio as a defensive midfielder? What is this guy thinking? And for that matter, why does he insist on playing with wingers when nobody on the team is a natural wide-man? Why not try the Christmas tree formation, with Benayoun and Kuyt supporting Torres, and Gerrard, Mascherano, and Lucas anchoring the base of the tree? Seems like it would fit better.

The transfer market - except for Torres and Mascherano, Rafa hasn't done shit. Robbie Keane? Useless. Getting rid of Peter Crouch? Why? Buying Glen Johnson and letting Xabi Alonso go? I don't think he's quite the replacement you were looking for. Let's see how Aquilani does.

Rafa is a terrible manager. Liverpool have been getting by on the strength of their players for far too long, but that's starting to fade quickly. Get rid of him and bring in someone who knows what the fuck they're doing. Now.

Form? Or Class?

What's the difference between form and class? As one famous pundit whose name I don't give a shit about said, "form is fleeting; class is permanent."

Nobody would argue that Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi are world class players, regardless of their form. But the question is raised: when players who are simply above average but not world class play exceptionally, how can you tell whether they've raised their game or are just in a good run of confidence and luck?

One player who I've been wondering about lately is Darren Bent. He's scored 8 goals in 9 appearances for Sunderland, and is in sparkling form lately. Looks like the best bit of business that Sunderland have done in a while. The question remains though: is Bent, a player who scored only 18 goals in 60 appearances for Tottenham, truly coming into his own? Or is it a run of form from an above average player?

I hate to say it, but I think it's the latter. World class players are brilliant no matter what club they play for, no matter which club they play against, and no matter who is on the pitch with them. At Tottenham, this wasn't the case. Although he excelled at Charlton and will likely do well at Sunderland, all it will take is a defensive lapse, a poor run of results, or an injury to do him in. It reminds me of Agbonlahor from last season. He went on a run of scoring with something like 10 goals in 13 matches, but then all of a sudden the goals dried up. He's good, but he's not world class.

Time will tell with Bent. It'll take a couple shitty games from Sunderland before we see whether he can keep on pumping out goals, or if he folds under the pressure.

The 'Pool Isn't Deep

If I had to make a list of players that are "above average but not world class," it would pretty much encompass the entire Liverpool squad. Without Torres and Gerrard, they quite literally have nothing. Benayoun? Creative but finicky. Can't finish either, he's off and on. Babel sucks, he's fast but he has poor decision making skills. Lucas? Just a bland central midfielder. Kuyt? Works hard, but he needs a central striker to play off of. He's not a winger and it shows. David N'Gog? Young and so far useless. Riera? He can shoot and that is about it. Voronin? For some reason, only excels in the Bundesliga.

So what's the problem? No replacement for the two truly world class players on the squad. When I say no replacement, I don't mean that nobody can play that position at all. Lucas can fill in for Mascherano. Riera, Babel, Kuyt, Benayoun, even Aurelio and Johnson can play on the wings. But when it comes to having a target man, one of the world's best lone strikers, NOBODY on the squad even comes close to Fernando Torres. It was rumored during the transfer window that Benitez wanted to get his hands on Alvaro Negredo. It seems now that wouldn't have been such a bad idea.

A replacement for Steven Gerrard? That's a even more difficult. Steven Gerrard is the heart, soul, and spine of Liverpool. Where can you find a suitable replacement for him? He's like a combination of Mascherano, Benayoun, and Albert Riera. The closest player in the Premier League is either Frank Lampard or Gareth Barry. And while they are close seconds, they can't do what Gerrard does. Liverpool is a squad of mediocre players supporting two world-class players.

The difference between this squad and that of Manchester United for the last 2 years is the supporting cast. Manchester United was built around Cristiano Ronaldo and he is unquestionably a genius. Likewise, nobody could question the achievements of Gerrard or Torres. But when you compare Mascherano and Lucas to Carrick and Scholes, or Babel and Riera to Giggs and Nani even, it becomes clear whose squad is more complete.

Either Rafa himself, or his Sporting Director need to get their shit together. Liverpool is already hamstrung financially, and they aren't doing themselves any favors by wasting what little money they have on shitty players. Why not take the Barcelona approach? Quality homegrown players to make up the base, and whenever they need a world class player, they buy 23-28 years old and only one at a time. Dani Alves, Ibrahimovic, Henry. Build the squad piece by piece so it comes together gradually.

Rafa Benitez needs to learn the transfer market or find a new job. His transfer shortcomings have left Liverpool out in the cold. Sucks for them. Their title run is already over and it's only October. Hell, their Champion's League prospects for next year look pretty dim. Manchester City could take their spot- you heard it here first.

Goalkeepers: Ranked

The 10 best netminders in world football as of right now:

1. Casillas

2. Buffon

3. Julio Cesar

4. Van der Sar

5. Frey

6. Cech

7. Reina

8. Boruc

9. Howard

10. Diego Lopez

Casillas edges Buffon due to injuries, recent form, and fantastic reflexes. In the history books, however, the GREATEST GOALKEEPER OF ALL TIME goes to Gianluigi Buffon-- yeah, he's that good. Schmeichel and Banks have nothing on him. In fact, only Yashin even comes close, and even then Buffon might have him beaten.

SPECIAL MENTION: The most talented up and coming goalkeeper I have seen is Arsenal's young Vito Mannone. This kid is fucking AMAZING. Reflexes like a cat, great positioning, great leadership and composure, and he's only 21. Legend in the making- you heard it here first.

The Test Begins... Or Does It?

Real Madrid now have to cope without Cristiano Ronaldo for another 3-4 weeks, and judging by their performance against Sevilla they will fail spectacularly. The thing is, this is common knowledge-- I bet you there's a lot of football pundits out there who are saying "oh no, Madrid can't function without Ronaldo, wahh wahh wahh." Of course, after Madrid steamroll the opposition in their next 6 matches, these same pundits will be saying "he's not that good, Madrid is a great team, they don't need him, Kaka's got it under control." These fucking idiots are so wrong it makes me want to staple my balls together.

The deceptive thing about the upcoming Madrid fixtures is that they are SO FUCKING EASY. In order, they are: Valladolid at home, AC Milan at home, Sporting Gijon away, Getafe at home, AC Milan away, Atletico Madrid away. Out of these fixtures, the hardest one will be Atletico away for the Madrid derby, but don't be surprised if they draw Getafe. Seriously though, any team could beat these clubs. Hull City could probably take Sporting Gijon by a five goal margin. The way Atletico is playing, Hull City could probably take them too. When Ronaldo returns, THEN the real test begins: away at Barcelona. Barring serious injuries to either squad, a fully fit Barcelona will beat the living shit out of a fully fit Real Madrid. I don't care how good Ronaldo is, teamwork beats stepovers every single time. Expect a demolition. You heard it here first.

Was I Right?

My prediction-ometer just turned around and punched me in the dick, because I got severely destroyed with several of my pre-match WCQ calls.

Denmark obviously had to win over Sweden, and Portugal also had to win over Hungary. My scorelines weren't right, but the picks definitely were. I also underestimated either how good Serbia is or how shitty Romania is, but I did say that the Serbs wouldn't have a problem with them (and at 5-0, they didn't).

Unfortunately, I banked against German efficiency, and they proved me wrong. The Germans held out with 10 men against Russia to pull out the 1-0 win, so although I got the scoreline right, it went the wrong way. I also got nailed with the England match, but that'll happen when red cards to keepers abound. Ukraine got a serious favor done for them, as they didn't deserve it AT ALL. Croatia, best of luck to you. I also seem to have a nasty habit of betting against world football superpowers, because Czech Republic got it done against Poland. I guess I underestimated them too, since their team has been so shitty lately. And last but not least, I also underestimated Belgium. I had them getting beaten by Turkey, but I forgot that they too are rising in the world football heirarchy. A couple more clinical strikers and they will be set. They also need Vincent Kompany.

I fucked up, but not badly. The next set of picks will be for all the marbles: that final WCQ on Wednesday that decides, once and for all, who is booking their place in South Africa. It's not the end-all be-all because there is still a playoff system, but it's pretty indicative of form. How interesting the playoffs will be with France, Russia, Ireland, Portugal, and a bunch of others in that group. Could end up being better than the actual Cup.

The Youth

A county's U-21 squad is usually pretty indicative of how good a country's national team is. The U-20 squad is totally different. They can range from anywhere between 16 and 22 years old, and they haven't really fleshed out their careers. The 20-23 year olds in the U-21 squad have a much better sense of where they're going, because they tend to be the feeders to their national teams. Look for the following nations to do wonderfully in the next 2 World Cups.

The top 5 U-21 squads as I see them:

1. Italy

2. Germany

3. Brazil

4. Spain

5. England

Interestingly enough, 4 out of these five nations' senior national teams will probably go quite far in the 2010 WC. The odd man out? Italy, with its completely moronic call-up style that hampers the squad by denying it a single player with any pace at all. For that matter, how about a player under 29 years old? I guess Chiellini and Rossi fit the bill, but come on... Cannavaro is 36 and while he can still cut it in the tactical Serie A, don't expect Robbie Keane to do him any favors in the upcoming qualifiers. He'll dance around the poor guy.

We need to see Giovinco, Marchisio, Santon, and ANTONIO CASSANO on this fucking squad already. Without the trequartista role filled by Cassano and/or Giovinco, the team is lost. Marchisio can patrol the midfield in a way that Ambrosini and Gattuso no longer can, and Santon adds some much needed cover for the (badly) aging Zambrotta. Fabio Grosso still has the class to keep him at the highest level; Zambro doesn't. Lippi, it's time for a change or two. Or ten. I love Italy, but without at least a few of these players in the squad, Italy goes down in the first knockout round. You heard it here first.

Torres vs. Drogba

A lot of people like to compare Fernando Torres and Didier Drogba. The fact of the matter is, there's no comparison at all because Drogba wins every time, he's fucking amazing. Let's see where it matters:

Finishing - It's a toss-up here, because both men can put the ball in the back of the net with relative ease. Let's call this one a tie and move on to other stuff.

ADVANTAGE: NEITHER

Strength - Look, Fernando Torres is a big strong boy, and he's put on 25 pounds of muscle since coming to Anfield. He's outmuscled Nemanja Vidic, for crying out loud. Here's the thing: he doesn't throw his weight around as much as he could. He's strong, but he's not used to it, and he doesn't use it. His effective strength is therefore diminished. Drogba seems like he popped out of the womb with the strength of an ox, and he shows it every game by holding off defenders. See the second goal against Liverpool? He set up Malouda by going through two defenders, one of whom was Jamie Carragher. He knows what he's doing.

ADVANTAGE: DROGBA

Speed - This one is a no-brainer. Drogba can turn on the jets when you least expect, and his raw power is just unstoppable. Unfortunately for him, Fernando Torres is a blur of motion outside your vision, and he just blazes by defenders in a red streak of dust.

ADVANTAGE: TORRES

Shooting - Torres and Drogba can both wail on the ball, that's for sure. Big guys deliver big boots, but the question is accuracy and the decision to use it well. This is where Drogba shines. I personally saw him pull out a 30 yard screamer against AC Milan in July, and he can frequently shoot from distance with remarkable accuracy. Torres had that wondergoal against Blackburn, but he does his work inside of the box. When you take into account Drogba's set piece ability, this one is an easy call.

ADVANTAGE: DROGBA

Teamplay - Drogba and Torres both play in the same position for their team, that of the lone striker as the target man. Both teams push the ball up to them and rely on them to produce. Whereas Torres scores goals on his own when given the ball, Drogba holds it up for the rest of the team to benefit. When you consider Drogba's crossing ability, combined with his willingness to defend at the other end of the pitch, you know who's the obvious favorite here.

ADVANTAGE: DROGBA

The Bitch Factor - Drogba tends to fall over with relative ease and frightening frequency. Torres has phenomenal balance but has been known to flop around a bit, making a case for a penalty. However, when you consider their historically lowest moments, you have to give this one to the guy who a) fell over when Jens Lehmann chest bumped him, b) was ejected from a tournament final for SLAPPING A MAN IN THE FACE, and c) was so mad about a referee's call that he whined into the camera and got himself a 3 match ban. Yep, it's good old Didier.

ADVANTAGE: TORRES

Ball Control - Drogba can hold off a defender, dribble around them, and set up an inch-perfect cross to a teammate. Torres has virtually broken defenders' ankles with his stepovers, fakes, and sudden bursts of acceleration. However, all I need to see here was Torres' performance this season, and as of right now I'll give it to him. Check out his hattrick against Hull City.

ADVANTAGE: TORRES

Goalscoring - This one goes a bit beyond just finishing. Drogba has scored 100 goals in 224 appearances for Chelsea, which is a bit less than a goal every 2 games. Torres has scored 58 goals in 92 Liverpool appearances, averaging a bit more than a goal every 2 games. Torres clearly takes the cake there, but... when it comes to big games, Torres goes invisible. Drogba, on the other hand, can handle the pressure and he knows how to take care of business when the stakes are high. Their international records tell the real story: Drogs has 40 goals in 59 appearances, which averages 2 goals every 3 games. El Nino, on the other hand, only has 23 goals to his 68 appearances, averaging only 1 goal to every 3 games. When Liverpool need a savior, they turn to Stevie G, not Fernando T. For that reason, this one goes to Drogba.

ADVANTAGE: DROGBA

Drogba is not a highscoring forward. He's a team player and he makes everyone around him better by adding that powerful dynamicism up front. The reason Torres is so prolific is because he can absolutely RAPE lower level opposition. When it comes down to the Champion's League final, I'd rather have Drogba. Unless he decides to slap Vidic again.

WCQ's That Matter

Some big games coming up, and I'll make my calls on them here and now. We're due to see some surprise berths in South Africa next summer, but a few of the ailing big boys aren't yet out of it. The rundown:

Denmark vs. Sweden - Although Denmark would have to lose 3-0 to hand over 1st place to Sweden, they still need to get a result from this match. A draw and then a loss could see Sweden overtake them with a draw and a win. Two losses in a row and two wins a row for Portugal or Hungary could see them drop out of qualifying altogether, so yeah, this one matters. Denmark takes it 2-0

Portugal vs. Hungary - Portugal needs to beat the living shit out of Hungary or they will not qualify at all, and that would be a shame. No Ronaldo in the World Cup? Who will we hate on? Portugal needs to get their shit together and they need to do it now, because if they even get a draw in this match THEY WILL NOT QUALIFY. The same goes for Hungary, but let's be honest, nobody gives a shit if Hungary qualifies. Portugal leaves it late 2-1

Germany vs. Russia - This match is a big one because it will determine the winner of the group, and who gets seeded where. That's important, because if Russia is seeded they could end up in a much better spot than they otherwise would. Regardless, the second place finisher in this group will be in the GROUP OF DEATH in the Cup. You heard it here first. Russia starts early and fades poorly, but the Germans can't put it away. 1-0 Russia

England vs. Ukraine - Ukraine blows, Shevchenko blows, and Croatia needs a favor. The good news for Ukraine is that England won't really care that much about winning. The bad news is that they'll win anyway, or at least draw. Croatia is in charge of their own destiny, and I'd MUCH rather see them than Ukraine in the Cup. Hopefully they'll pull it out. England 4-1

Czech Republic vs. Poland - If the Czechs lose, they're out. Hell, if the Czechs win, they're probably still out. One can always dream, can't one? Petr Cech, Jankulovski, Ujfalusi, and Grygera make the backline stable, but not brilliant. Milan Baros up top and MAYBE the return of Rosicky gives them a fighting chance, but don't bank on it. Poland are a scrappy squad. A boring match ends 1-1

Turkey vs. Belgium - If Turkey want any chance of playing in this Cup, (and they deserve to be there) then they need a convincing victory over Belgium. With Vermaelen in form, and Fellaini freakishly tall, they might have their hands full from set pieces, but the fundamentals will keep them sound. Turkey takes it 3-1, with the scoreline not really showing how close the game was.

Serbia vs. Romania - Romania has a much stronger squad than their points suggest, but they definitely underperform. They're like Spain from the last 30 years. Serbia, on the other hand, has been quietly growing in squad power. With the return to fitness of Nikola Zigic, who may score a late headed goal, Serbia won't have any trouble putting down Romania. Serbia 3-0

I may do predictions for Wednesday's matches as well, but probably not because by that point, who cares? If France is still in crisis, we'll see.

Rankings

One day, I'll rank everything and everyone out there. We're going to start with clubs, and then eventually work our way down to players. All rankings assume that clubs and/or players are at full match fitness, full rosters, and injury free.

The top 10 clubs in the world right now:

1. Chelsea

2. Barcelona

3. Arsenal

4. Manchester United

5. Juventus

6. Liverpool

7. Real Madrid

8. Sevilla

9. Lyon

10. Inter Milan

The reason that Chelsea pips Barcelona at the top has nothing to do with last year's game and everything to do with the transfer market. They got Ibrahimovic in place of Eto'o up there, and they haven't come up with a suitable replacement for Victor Valdez. Chygrynsky in the back is not solid and probably won't be for another year, so although Pique is an able deputy I have to give this one to Chelsea. Ibrahimovic is a much more physical player, and if the teams were playing each other Terry and Carvalho would deal with him much more easily than Eto'o. The Cameroonian is also much more clinical in front of goal. And of course, let's not forget the freakishly brilliant Didier Drogba, who can literally do anything he wants and do it well. Drogs vs. Ibra? The Ivorian every time.

Manchester United is overtaken by Arsenal after losing Ronaldo and Tevez and replacing them with... Owen and Valencia? Seriously? United needed to replace a combined 40-45 goals a season and instead they brought in a poacher who is admittedly good at finding goals, and a winger who is admittedly terrible at it. But... the poacher doesn't play, and the winger can't finish and can only cross well. Arsenal, meanwhile, have a phenomenal academy and with so many players returning from long-term injury, it's as if they have new signings. Thomas Vermaelen... destined for great things. He's got more goals than half the strikers in the Premier League right now, he's towering in the air, and HE CAN LINK UP WITH WILLIAM GALLAS, THE WHINIEST CENTRE BACK I'VE EVER SEEN. Combine that with Arshavin and Fabregas pulling the strings, Bendtner, Walcott, and Song coming to maturity, and you've got a top quality squad. Special notice goes out to Vito Mannone, who I am calling as the NEXT GREAT ITALIAN KEEPER. You heard it here first.

A full match-fit Juventus is a terrible sight to behold, and the gates of hell will swing open when Diego, Del Piero, and Camoranesi are setting up Iaquinta, Amauri, and Trezeguet. Then you've got Felipe Melo and Momo Sissoko cleaning up the midfield, and little Giovinco and De Ceglie waiting in the wings. Any team would crap their pants looking at that lineup. Champion's League quarterfinal berth AT LEAST. You heard it here first.

Liverpool lost Xabi Alonso and some shitty wingback and they gained an untested Aquilani and some shitty centre back. Solid trade-off... except once again the squad is weak on the wings. To make up for this they signed the exceptional Glen Johnson, and he's been great going forward. Defending is another story. In fact, with Carragher aging, and the signing of Kyrgiakos as a backup, it looks like the main partnership will be Skrtl and Agger for years to come. Neither of those men are phenomenal, although they are solid. Lucas blows. Benayoun is off and on. Kuyt is not a born winger. Babel is underdeveloped. Riera has a great shot but nothing else, and poor vision to boot. Once again, the Gerrard/Torres combo will be their saving grace, but how long can that last?

Madrid are on this list because Cristiano Ronaldo is that good. Raul Albiol is very good. Lassana Diarra has the potential to be as good as, IF NOT BETTER THAN, Claude Makelele. You heard it here first. Iker Casillas... what can you say, the man walks on water. So there is a strong backbone to the squad. The problem is not an overreliance on Ronaldo, but the fact that they are completely ineffective without him. Kaka is a world class, amazing player- but he's no Ronaldo. He doesn't play the same way, and he needs options to support him. Most of all, he needs to play off the striker, which means no more Raul/Benzema pairings. In fact, neither of those players should play at all. Goalmachine Ruud Van Nistelrooy should start every game he is able. End of story. Madrid have glaring weaknesses, and those weaknesses come down the wings. They cannot defend down the wings, Sevilla exploited it and Valencia probably will too. Barcelona will make them pay dearly.

With the purchase of Negredo, Sevilla has finalized itself as a fantastic attacking force. They can also defend quite well, and should be considered title contenders. Great wingers, great target men, an experienced keeper and strong wingbacks mean that the only weakness is whoever partners Squillaci in defense. Is Escude up to the challenge? Who knows.

Lyon have been quietly banging in goals since the loss of Benzema and Juninho, and they haven't looked too shabby defensively either. Signing Aly Cissokho was a brilliant move and he could end up giving any of the French wingbacks a run for their money- even Evra in a few years. Watch for them to BLAST LIVERPOOL AWAY in the Champion's League. You heard it here first.

Inter Milan are a fucking solid team with very capable midfield enforcers and creativity up top galore. Julio Cesar is an unbelievable keeper, and with Samuel back fit they should be just about unstoppable. The big question mark is creativity- you can't rely on Stankovic for a 30 yard screamer every match, and you certainly can't expect Sneijder to play as a trequartista when he's really an attack-minded midfielder. The best player on the team? Diego Milito. Completely underrated, but when he's injured (and he is right now) the goals could very well dry up. If he's still injured, Inter WILL LOSE THEIR NEXT BIG GAME. You heard it here first.

There you go, the top 10 in the world as of right now.

UPDATE ALERT: Just want to say that I called the Lyon over 'Pool win, even though it wasn't a blowout.

Welcome

I just started this blog. I love football. Not American football. The world's game, the beautiful game, soccer, football, futbol, whatever you call it. It's amazing. I play it, I watch it, I ref it, I play FIFA religiously, I live it, I love it.

A lot of this is prediction oriented stuff that I can look back on and examine whether I was right or whether I was a tard. This is also the welcoming blog post. So while you're here, please feel free to have a look around, comment, debate, whatever. I don't claim to be a pro (otherwise I'd get paid for this shit) and I don't have the time to watch footy all day like Jamie Trecker. But I wish I could do both.

Websites I frequently visit: FSC and Goal.com both give me info, although I take everything that Goal.com says with a grain of salt. They are a great rumormongering site though. I also love Jamie Trecker's harsh criticism of the USMNT, although he's been wrong on a few occasions. Throughout this blog you will note that I absolutely cannot stand American commentary on footy matches. Please also note that I support the following teams ardently, although any team that plays great sexy footy is a team that I can get behind:

Chelsea

Juventus

Werder Bremen

Bordeaux

Porto

Barcelona

Feyenoord

Teams I also support, but not as crazily:

Arsenal

Everton

West Ham

Sunderland

Fiorentina

Roma

AC Milan

Palermo

Sampdoria

Valencia

Sevilla

Villareal

Deportivo la Coruna

Borussia M'bach

Bayer Leverkusen

Wolfsburg

Sochaux

Rennes

Heerenveen

Galatasaray

Benfica

Sporting Lisbon