Rankings

One day, I'll rank everything and everyone out there. We're going to start with clubs, and then eventually work our way down to players. All rankings assume that clubs and/or players are at full match fitness, full rosters, and injury free.

The top 10 clubs in the world right now:

1. Chelsea

2. Barcelona

3. Arsenal

4. Manchester United

5. Juventus

6. Liverpool

7. Real Madrid

8. Sevilla

9. Lyon

10. Inter Milan

The reason that Chelsea pips Barcelona at the top has nothing to do with last year's game and everything to do with the transfer market. They got Ibrahimovic in place of Eto'o up there, and they haven't come up with a suitable replacement for Victor Valdez. Chygrynsky in the back is not solid and probably won't be for another year, so although Pique is an able deputy I have to give this one to Chelsea. Ibrahimovic is a much more physical player, and if the teams were playing each other Terry and Carvalho would deal with him much more easily than Eto'o. The Cameroonian is also much more clinical in front of goal. And of course, let's not forget the freakishly brilliant Didier Drogba, who can literally do anything he wants and do it well. Drogs vs. Ibra? The Ivorian every time.

Manchester United is overtaken by Arsenal after losing Ronaldo and Tevez and replacing them with... Owen and Valencia? Seriously? United needed to replace a combined 40-45 goals a season and instead they brought in a poacher who is admittedly good at finding goals, and a winger who is admittedly terrible at it. But... the poacher doesn't play, and the winger can't finish and can only cross well. Arsenal, meanwhile, have a phenomenal academy and with so many players returning from long-term injury, it's as if they have new signings. Thomas Vermaelen... destined for great things. He's got more goals than half the strikers in the Premier League right now, he's towering in the air, and HE CAN LINK UP WITH WILLIAM GALLAS, THE WHINIEST CENTRE BACK I'VE EVER SEEN. Combine that with Arshavin and Fabregas pulling the strings, Bendtner, Walcott, and Song coming to maturity, and you've got a top quality squad. Special notice goes out to Vito Mannone, who I am calling as the NEXT GREAT ITALIAN KEEPER. You heard it here first.

A full match-fit Juventus is a terrible sight to behold, and the gates of hell will swing open when Diego, Del Piero, and Camoranesi are setting up Iaquinta, Amauri, and Trezeguet. Then you've got Felipe Melo and Momo Sissoko cleaning up the midfield, and little Giovinco and De Ceglie waiting in the wings. Any team would crap their pants looking at that lineup. Champion's League quarterfinal berth AT LEAST. You heard it here first.

Liverpool lost Xabi Alonso and some shitty wingback and they gained an untested Aquilani and some shitty centre back. Solid trade-off... except once again the squad is weak on the wings. To make up for this they signed the exceptional Glen Johnson, and he's been great going forward. Defending is another story. In fact, with Carragher aging, and the signing of Kyrgiakos as a backup, it looks like the main partnership will be Skrtl and Agger for years to come. Neither of those men are phenomenal, although they are solid. Lucas blows. Benayoun is off and on. Kuyt is not a born winger. Babel is underdeveloped. Riera has a great shot but nothing else, and poor vision to boot. Once again, the Gerrard/Torres combo will be their saving grace, but how long can that last?

Madrid are on this list because Cristiano Ronaldo is that good. Raul Albiol is very good. Lassana Diarra has the potential to be as good as, IF NOT BETTER THAN, Claude Makelele. You heard it here first. Iker Casillas... what can you say, the man walks on water. So there is a strong backbone to the squad. The problem is not an overreliance on Ronaldo, but the fact that they are completely ineffective without him. Kaka is a world class, amazing player- but he's no Ronaldo. He doesn't play the same way, and he needs options to support him. Most of all, he needs to play off the striker, which means no more Raul/Benzema pairings. In fact, neither of those players should play at all. Goalmachine Ruud Van Nistelrooy should start every game he is able. End of story. Madrid have glaring weaknesses, and those weaknesses come down the wings. They cannot defend down the wings, Sevilla exploited it and Valencia probably will too. Barcelona will make them pay dearly.

With the purchase of Negredo, Sevilla has finalized itself as a fantastic attacking force. They can also defend quite well, and should be considered title contenders. Great wingers, great target men, an experienced keeper and strong wingbacks mean that the only weakness is whoever partners Squillaci in defense. Is Escude up to the challenge? Who knows.

Lyon have been quietly banging in goals since the loss of Benzema and Juninho, and they haven't looked too shabby defensively either. Signing Aly Cissokho was a brilliant move and he could end up giving any of the French wingbacks a run for their money- even Evra in a few years. Watch for them to BLAST LIVERPOOL AWAY in the Champion's League. You heard it here first.

Inter Milan are a fucking solid team with very capable midfield enforcers and creativity up top galore. Julio Cesar is an unbelievable keeper, and with Samuel back fit they should be just about unstoppable. The big question mark is creativity- you can't rely on Stankovic for a 30 yard screamer every match, and you certainly can't expect Sneijder to play as a trequartista when he's really an attack-minded midfielder. The best player on the team? Diego Milito. Completely underrated, but when he's injured (and he is right now) the goals could very well dry up. If he's still injured, Inter WILL LOSE THEIR NEXT BIG GAME. You heard it here first.

There you go, the top 10 in the world as of right now.

UPDATE ALERT: Just want to say that I called the Lyon over 'Pool win, even though it wasn't a blowout.