Goalkeepers: Ranked

The 10 best netminders in world football as of right now:

1. Casillas

2. Buffon

3. Julio Cesar

4. Van der Sar

5. Frey

6. Cech

7. Reina

8. Boruc

9. Howard

10. Diego Lopez

Casillas edges Buffon due to injuries, recent form, and fantastic reflexes. In the history books, however, the GREATEST GOALKEEPER OF ALL TIME goes to Gianluigi Buffon-- yeah, he's that good. Schmeichel and Banks have nothing on him. In fact, only Yashin even comes close, and even then Buffon might have him beaten.

SPECIAL MENTION: The most talented up and coming goalkeeper I have seen is Arsenal's young Vito Mannone. This kid is fucking AMAZING. Reflexes like a cat, great positioning, great leadership and composure, and he's only 21. Legend in the making- you heard it here first.

The Test Begins... Or Does It?

Real Madrid now have to cope without Cristiano Ronaldo for another 3-4 weeks, and judging by their performance against Sevilla they will fail spectacularly. The thing is, this is common knowledge-- I bet you there's a lot of football pundits out there who are saying "oh no, Madrid can't function without Ronaldo, wahh wahh wahh." Of course, after Madrid steamroll the opposition in their next 6 matches, these same pundits will be saying "he's not that good, Madrid is a great team, they don't need him, Kaka's got it under control." These fucking idiots are so wrong it makes me want to staple my balls together.

The deceptive thing about the upcoming Madrid fixtures is that they are SO FUCKING EASY. In order, they are: Valladolid at home, AC Milan at home, Sporting Gijon away, Getafe at home, AC Milan away, Atletico Madrid away. Out of these fixtures, the hardest one will be Atletico away for the Madrid derby, but don't be surprised if they draw Getafe. Seriously though, any team could beat these clubs. Hull City could probably take Sporting Gijon by a five goal margin. The way Atletico is playing, Hull City could probably take them too. When Ronaldo returns, THEN the real test begins: away at Barcelona. Barring serious injuries to either squad, a fully fit Barcelona will beat the living shit out of a fully fit Real Madrid. I don't care how good Ronaldo is, teamwork beats stepovers every single time. Expect a demolition. You heard it here first.

Was I Right?

My prediction-ometer just turned around and punched me in the dick, because I got severely destroyed with several of my pre-match WCQ calls.

Denmark obviously had to win over Sweden, and Portugal also had to win over Hungary. My scorelines weren't right, but the picks definitely were. I also underestimated either how good Serbia is or how shitty Romania is, but I did say that the Serbs wouldn't have a problem with them (and at 5-0, they didn't).

Unfortunately, I banked against German efficiency, and they proved me wrong. The Germans held out with 10 men against Russia to pull out the 1-0 win, so although I got the scoreline right, it went the wrong way. I also got nailed with the England match, but that'll happen when red cards to keepers abound. Ukraine got a serious favor done for them, as they didn't deserve it AT ALL. Croatia, best of luck to you. I also seem to have a nasty habit of betting against world football superpowers, because Czech Republic got it done against Poland. I guess I underestimated them too, since their team has been so shitty lately. And last but not least, I also underestimated Belgium. I had them getting beaten by Turkey, but I forgot that they too are rising in the world football heirarchy. A couple more clinical strikers and they will be set. They also need Vincent Kompany.

I fucked up, but not badly. The next set of picks will be for all the marbles: that final WCQ on Wednesday that decides, once and for all, who is booking their place in South Africa. It's not the end-all be-all because there is still a playoff system, but it's pretty indicative of form. How interesting the playoffs will be with France, Russia, Ireland, Portugal, and a bunch of others in that group. Could end up being better than the actual Cup.

The Youth

A county's U-21 squad is usually pretty indicative of how good a country's national team is. The U-20 squad is totally different. They can range from anywhere between 16 and 22 years old, and they haven't really fleshed out their careers. The 20-23 year olds in the U-21 squad have a much better sense of where they're going, because they tend to be the feeders to their national teams. Look for the following nations to do wonderfully in the next 2 World Cups.

The top 5 U-21 squads as I see them:

1. Italy

2. Germany

3. Brazil

4. Spain

5. England

Interestingly enough, 4 out of these five nations' senior national teams will probably go quite far in the 2010 WC. The odd man out? Italy, with its completely moronic call-up style that hampers the squad by denying it a single player with any pace at all. For that matter, how about a player under 29 years old? I guess Chiellini and Rossi fit the bill, but come on... Cannavaro is 36 and while he can still cut it in the tactical Serie A, don't expect Robbie Keane to do him any favors in the upcoming qualifiers. He'll dance around the poor guy.

We need to see Giovinco, Marchisio, Santon, and ANTONIO CASSANO on this fucking squad already. Without the trequartista role filled by Cassano and/or Giovinco, the team is lost. Marchisio can patrol the midfield in a way that Ambrosini and Gattuso no longer can, and Santon adds some much needed cover for the (badly) aging Zambrotta. Fabio Grosso still has the class to keep him at the highest level; Zambro doesn't. Lippi, it's time for a change or two. Or ten. I love Italy, but without at least a few of these players in the squad, Italy goes down in the first knockout round. You heard it here first.

Torres vs. Drogba

A lot of people like to compare Fernando Torres and Didier Drogba. The fact of the matter is, there's no comparison at all because Drogba wins every time, he's fucking amazing. Let's see where it matters:

Finishing - It's a toss-up here, because both men can put the ball in the back of the net with relative ease. Let's call this one a tie and move on to other stuff.

ADVANTAGE: NEITHER

Strength - Look, Fernando Torres is a big strong boy, and he's put on 25 pounds of muscle since coming to Anfield. He's outmuscled Nemanja Vidic, for crying out loud. Here's the thing: he doesn't throw his weight around as much as he could. He's strong, but he's not used to it, and he doesn't use it. His effective strength is therefore diminished. Drogba seems like he popped out of the womb with the strength of an ox, and he shows it every game by holding off defenders. See the second goal against Liverpool? He set up Malouda by going through two defenders, one of whom was Jamie Carragher. He knows what he's doing.

ADVANTAGE: DROGBA

Speed - This one is a no-brainer. Drogba can turn on the jets when you least expect, and his raw power is just unstoppable. Unfortunately for him, Fernando Torres is a blur of motion outside your vision, and he just blazes by defenders in a red streak of dust.

ADVANTAGE: TORRES

Shooting - Torres and Drogba can both wail on the ball, that's for sure. Big guys deliver big boots, but the question is accuracy and the decision to use it well. This is where Drogba shines. I personally saw him pull out a 30 yard screamer against AC Milan in July, and he can frequently shoot from distance with remarkable accuracy. Torres had that wondergoal against Blackburn, but he does his work inside of the box. When you take into account Drogba's set piece ability, this one is an easy call.

ADVANTAGE: DROGBA

Teamplay - Drogba and Torres both play in the same position for their team, that of the lone striker as the target man. Both teams push the ball up to them and rely on them to produce. Whereas Torres scores goals on his own when given the ball, Drogba holds it up for the rest of the team to benefit. When you consider Drogba's crossing ability, combined with his willingness to defend at the other end of the pitch, you know who's the obvious favorite here.

ADVANTAGE: DROGBA

The Bitch Factor - Drogba tends to fall over with relative ease and frightening frequency. Torres has phenomenal balance but has been known to flop around a bit, making a case for a penalty. However, when you consider their historically lowest moments, you have to give this one to the guy who a) fell over when Jens Lehmann chest bumped him, b) was ejected from a tournament final for SLAPPING A MAN IN THE FACE, and c) was so mad about a referee's call that he whined into the camera and got himself a 3 match ban. Yep, it's good old Didier.

ADVANTAGE: TORRES

Ball Control - Drogba can hold off a defender, dribble around them, and set up an inch-perfect cross to a teammate. Torres has virtually broken defenders' ankles with his stepovers, fakes, and sudden bursts of acceleration. However, all I need to see here was Torres' performance this season, and as of right now I'll give it to him. Check out his hattrick against Hull City.

ADVANTAGE: TORRES

Goalscoring - This one goes a bit beyond just finishing. Drogba has scored 100 goals in 224 appearances for Chelsea, which is a bit less than a goal every 2 games. Torres has scored 58 goals in 92 Liverpool appearances, averaging a bit more than a goal every 2 games. Torres clearly takes the cake there, but... when it comes to big games, Torres goes invisible. Drogba, on the other hand, can handle the pressure and he knows how to take care of business when the stakes are high. Their international records tell the real story: Drogs has 40 goals in 59 appearances, which averages 2 goals every 3 games. El Nino, on the other hand, only has 23 goals to his 68 appearances, averaging only 1 goal to every 3 games. When Liverpool need a savior, they turn to Stevie G, not Fernando T. For that reason, this one goes to Drogba.

ADVANTAGE: DROGBA

Drogba is not a highscoring forward. He's a team player and he makes everyone around him better by adding that powerful dynamicism up front. The reason Torres is so prolific is because he can absolutely RAPE lower level opposition. When it comes down to the Champion's League final, I'd rather have Drogba. Unless he decides to slap Vidic again.

WCQ's That Matter

Some big games coming up, and I'll make my calls on them here and now. We're due to see some surprise berths in South Africa next summer, but a few of the ailing big boys aren't yet out of it. The rundown:

Denmark vs. Sweden - Although Denmark would have to lose 3-0 to hand over 1st place to Sweden, they still need to get a result from this match. A draw and then a loss could see Sweden overtake them with a draw and a win. Two losses in a row and two wins a row for Portugal or Hungary could see them drop out of qualifying altogether, so yeah, this one matters. Denmark takes it 2-0

Portugal vs. Hungary - Portugal needs to beat the living shit out of Hungary or they will not qualify at all, and that would be a shame. No Ronaldo in the World Cup? Who will we hate on? Portugal needs to get their shit together and they need to do it now, because if they even get a draw in this match THEY WILL NOT QUALIFY. The same goes for Hungary, but let's be honest, nobody gives a shit if Hungary qualifies. Portugal leaves it late 2-1

Germany vs. Russia - This match is a big one because it will determine the winner of the group, and who gets seeded where. That's important, because if Russia is seeded they could end up in a much better spot than they otherwise would. Regardless, the second place finisher in this group will be in the GROUP OF DEATH in the Cup. You heard it here first. Russia starts early and fades poorly, but the Germans can't put it away. 1-0 Russia

England vs. Ukraine - Ukraine blows, Shevchenko blows, and Croatia needs a favor. The good news for Ukraine is that England won't really care that much about winning. The bad news is that they'll win anyway, or at least draw. Croatia is in charge of their own destiny, and I'd MUCH rather see them than Ukraine in the Cup. Hopefully they'll pull it out. England 4-1

Czech Republic vs. Poland - If the Czechs lose, they're out. Hell, if the Czechs win, they're probably still out. One can always dream, can't one? Petr Cech, Jankulovski, Ujfalusi, and Grygera make the backline stable, but not brilliant. Milan Baros up top and MAYBE the return of Rosicky gives them a fighting chance, but don't bank on it. Poland are a scrappy squad. A boring match ends 1-1

Turkey vs. Belgium - If Turkey want any chance of playing in this Cup, (and they deserve to be there) then they need a convincing victory over Belgium. With Vermaelen in form, and Fellaini freakishly tall, they might have their hands full from set pieces, but the fundamentals will keep them sound. Turkey takes it 3-1, with the scoreline not really showing how close the game was.

Serbia vs. Romania - Romania has a much stronger squad than their points suggest, but they definitely underperform. They're like Spain from the last 30 years. Serbia, on the other hand, has been quietly growing in squad power. With the return to fitness of Nikola Zigic, who may score a late headed goal, Serbia won't have any trouble putting down Romania. Serbia 3-0

I may do predictions for Wednesday's matches as well, but probably not because by that point, who cares? If France is still in crisis, we'll see.

Rankings

One day, I'll rank everything and everyone out there. We're going to start with clubs, and then eventually work our way down to players. All rankings assume that clubs and/or players are at full match fitness, full rosters, and injury free.

The top 10 clubs in the world right now:

1. Chelsea

2. Barcelona

3. Arsenal

4. Manchester United

5. Juventus

6. Liverpool

7. Real Madrid

8. Sevilla

9. Lyon

10. Inter Milan

The reason that Chelsea pips Barcelona at the top has nothing to do with last year's game and everything to do with the transfer market. They got Ibrahimovic in place of Eto'o up there, and they haven't come up with a suitable replacement for Victor Valdez. Chygrynsky in the back is not solid and probably won't be for another year, so although Pique is an able deputy I have to give this one to Chelsea. Ibrahimovic is a much more physical player, and if the teams were playing each other Terry and Carvalho would deal with him much more easily than Eto'o. The Cameroonian is also much more clinical in front of goal. And of course, let's not forget the freakishly brilliant Didier Drogba, who can literally do anything he wants and do it well. Drogs vs. Ibra? The Ivorian every time.

Manchester United is overtaken by Arsenal after losing Ronaldo and Tevez and replacing them with... Owen and Valencia? Seriously? United needed to replace a combined 40-45 goals a season and instead they brought in a poacher who is admittedly good at finding goals, and a winger who is admittedly terrible at it. But... the poacher doesn't play, and the winger can't finish and can only cross well. Arsenal, meanwhile, have a phenomenal academy and with so many players returning from long-term injury, it's as if they have new signings. Thomas Vermaelen... destined for great things. He's got more goals than half the strikers in the Premier League right now, he's towering in the air, and HE CAN LINK UP WITH WILLIAM GALLAS, THE WHINIEST CENTRE BACK I'VE EVER SEEN. Combine that with Arshavin and Fabregas pulling the strings, Bendtner, Walcott, and Song coming to maturity, and you've got a top quality squad. Special notice goes out to Vito Mannone, who I am calling as the NEXT GREAT ITALIAN KEEPER. You heard it here first.

A full match-fit Juventus is a terrible sight to behold, and the gates of hell will swing open when Diego, Del Piero, and Camoranesi are setting up Iaquinta, Amauri, and Trezeguet. Then you've got Felipe Melo and Momo Sissoko cleaning up the midfield, and little Giovinco and De Ceglie waiting in the wings. Any team would crap their pants looking at that lineup. Champion's League quarterfinal berth AT LEAST. You heard it here first.

Liverpool lost Xabi Alonso and some shitty wingback and they gained an untested Aquilani and some shitty centre back. Solid trade-off... except once again the squad is weak on the wings. To make up for this they signed the exceptional Glen Johnson, and he's been great going forward. Defending is another story. In fact, with Carragher aging, and the signing of Kyrgiakos as a backup, it looks like the main partnership will be Skrtl and Agger for years to come. Neither of those men are phenomenal, although they are solid. Lucas blows. Benayoun is off and on. Kuyt is not a born winger. Babel is underdeveloped. Riera has a great shot but nothing else, and poor vision to boot. Once again, the Gerrard/Torres combo will be their saving grace, but how long can that last?

Madrid are on this list because Cristiano Ronaldo is that good. Raul Albiol is very good. Lassana Diarra has the potential to be as good as, IF NOT BETTER THAN, Claude Makelele. You heard it here first. Iker Casillas... what can you say, the man walks on water. So there is a strong backbone to the squad. The problem is not an overreliance on Ronaldo, but the fact that they are completely ineffective without him. Kaka is a world class, amazing player- but he's no Ronaldo. He doesn't play the same way, and he needs options to support him. Most of all, he needs to play off the striker, which means no more Raul/Benzema pairings. In fact, neither of those players should play at all. Goalmachine Ruud Van Nistelrooy should start every game he is able. End of story. Madrid have glaring weaknesses, and those weaknesses come down the wings. They cannot defend down the wings, Sevilla exploited it and Valencia probably will too. Barcelona will make them pay dearly.

With the purchase of Negredo, Sevilla has finalized itself as a fantastic attacking force. They can also defend quite well, and should be considered title contenders. Great wingers, great target men, an experienced keeper and strong wingbacks mean that the only weakness is whoever partners Squillaci in defense. Is Escude up to the challenge? Who knows.

Lyon have been quietly banging in goals since the loss of Benzema and Juninho, and they haven't looked too shabby defensively either. Signing Aly Cissokho was a brilliant move and he could end up giving any of the French wingbacks a run for their money- even Evra in a few years. Watch for them to BLAST LIVERPOOL AWAY in the Champion's League. You heard it here first.

Inter Milan are a fucking solid team with very capable midfield enforcers and creativity up top galore. Julio Cesar is an unbelievable keeper, and with Samuel back fit they should be just about unstoppable. The big question mark is creativity- you can't rely on Stankovic for a 30 yard screamer every match, and you certainly can't expect Sneijder to play as a trequartista when he's really an attack-minded midfielder. The best player on the team? Diego Milito. Completely underrated, but when he's injured (and he is right now) the goals could very well dry up. If he's still injured, Inter WILL LOSE THEIR NEXT BIG GAME. You heard it here first.

There you go, the top 10 in the world as of right now.

UPDATE ALERT: Just want to say that I called the Lyon over 'Pool win, even though it wasn't a blowout.