Luca Toni

Is it really any wonder that Bayern don't want Luca Toni? This is a guy who has about 15 goals in over 50 appearances for Italy. He had one good season with Bayern and thinks he can stay there for the rest of his life, demanding playing time when there are far superior players in front of him. Chief among these players are Mario Gomez and Ivica Olic, who vastly outclass the giant Italian.

Anyone who has seen Luca Toni play know that he is a poacher and a big target man, and that is literally it. No linkup play, no shooting boots, no crossing ability, and absolutely no speed or agility. And now that he's losing his poaching ability, there is no doubt that nobody would want him for anything. Or would they? Apparently West Ham and Tottenham are both in the market for him. My question is: why? Why bring an aging piece of shit to the Premier League? Players in the Premier League, with the exception of Ryan Giggs, do not age well. Toni should return to Italy, where a team like Parma or Livorno could actually benefit from his services. Better yet, he should come to MLS where his movie-star looks could net him a sponsorship deal while people ignore his actual non-achievments on the pitch. The best thing for everyone? Retirement. Get this fucker off the world stage. Lippi shouldn't even consider him while Amauri is a possibility, Iaquinta is available, and Gilardino makes his case. Fuck Luca Toni, that noob is awful.

B is for Birmingham and Burnley

Dear Santa,

Me and my Birmingham boys are playing pretty well at the moment, but we do need a couple of things to help us out. Like any small team, we are definitely a shallow squad. Without our key players, the team tends to collapse and leaves us wanting. Still, we are exceeding expectations right now and our form is pretty damn impressive. We're up there with Liverpool, for crying out loud. Anyway Santa, what we want is difficult: more of the same. We want our sparkling form to continue and that includes offense as well. We aren't scoring loads of goals, but we are keeping clean sheets like it's our job. I guess besides more of the same, we need a clinical striker. Someone who just plain puts goals in the net, but is within our price range. We may have to splash the cash, but I think I have the answer: John Carew is out of favor at Aston Villa and the rumor is that they're trying to get rid of him. I'd love it if we could snap him up for a cool 5 million. Your move, Santa.

Love,

Alex McLeish

Dear Santa,

We at Burnley are also doing much better than expected. Our form at home has seen us take some massive scalps. However, we have yet to win a game away from home. So that's what we want: an away win for the new year, and consistency on through. If you can give us that, we won't be relegated. We can then buy someone with the additional funds we plan to have, but Santa, I promise, we won't go into debt doing it. See? I'm a good little boy.

Love,

Owen Coyle

A is for Arsenal

Dear Santa:

Mommy and Daddy keep telling me they'll give me the money to buy any toys I want, but I like them better when I can make my own from scratch. It's more satisfying to play with them that way, and they're much cheaper. The only problem is, sometimes I can't make ANY toy I want because I've got to use the materials available to me.

There comes a time when a bright new toy is required to complete my collection, and allow my whole toy chest to function as a cohesive unit. The current bunch I have look great and work together nicely, but when one gets broken I don't have a good replacement. With that in mind, I need two solid toys this Christmas: a holding midfielder and versatile replacement player, and a lovely new goalscoring machine/striker. Both should be tall, strong, and preferably French.

For the striker I want Mario Balotelli. There isn't really anyone better at the moment, and since he's young I can mold him into the type of player that I want. Unfortunately, he's Cup-tied and a bit temperamental. Hopefully I can stamp that out of him. Other options include Carlton Cole and Andre-Pierre Gignac.

For a holding, versatile midfielder I'd love Yaya Toure. He's a monster and he can play anywhere; he's very Patrick Vieira-esque. If I can't get Yaya Toure, then I'd love to get my hands on either Alou Diarra or Moussa Sissokho, both from Ligue 1. They break up play fantastically, and are also versatile and strong. Please Santa, my toys won't be able to handle another season with no silverware!

I've been a good boy. I've balanced the books, I've acted with integrity, and I play sexy football. So what if I whine a little bit now and again? I think I've proved that I deserve a trophy, but I can't win one if you don't bring me something fun to play with!

Love,

Arsene Wenger

P.S. Please please PLEASE don't let Fabregas go to Barcelona! He's my bestest player.

Beaten to the Punch

Goal.com ganked my idea, but I'm going to do it anyway: as part of getting in the holiday spirit, I'm going down each club's wishlist. If they're good, Santa may bring them a nice shiny new striker or holding midfielder. If they're bad, Santa may bring them two American investors who have no idea how to do anything except lie about building a new stadium.

Coming soon.

Robin van Persie's New Friend?

If reports are to be believed, Arsenal are on the lookout for a new striker come January. I'll be updating this, and possibly another article, tomorrow with more information/opiniu-tainment. So if you're reading this and thinking "my God I simply cannot wait for Evan's brilliant views on football," don't worry about getting blue balls. It's coming soon. In the meantime, put an ice pack on your crotch.

What Did I Tell You?

Quick post: I may have mentioned that Didier Drogba is unstoppable. As of today there should be no doubt in anyone's mind that he is the world's best striker, and that is pretty impressive at 31 years old. Pace, strength, positioning, link-up play, shooting, crossing, vision, set pieces, and heading. He's got it all. His double against Everton was fantastic especially when you consider that both of his goals were one touch shots. One was on the spin with his left foot, the other was a volley to the near post off a cross. If he stays healthy he could easily win the Ballon D'or, especially if he doesn't dive (his only weakness). Then again, all the best players do, don't they? Just ask Ronaldo from last weekend, or Rooney from today.

Meaningful Weekend After Meaningless Midweek

So all the meaningless Champions League matches have come and gone, and now it's back to business for the big boys in the Premier League. Interestingly, the two littlest big boys are about to slug it out for the title of biggest underachiever this season. My guess is that Arsenal loses by one, Wenger makes excuses, and they blow out the next team they play by 4 goals. But let's take a closer look:

Stoke City vs. Wigan

You never know which Wigan is going to show up, the one that beat Chelsea or the one that got anally invaded by Tottenham. Against Stoke at home, I'll guess a little bit of both. I've been banking on Stoke to pull out some tremendously unlikely results with the grind, and Tony Pulis does that shit better than anyone. I think I could easily be wrong here, but what the hell: Stoke City 1-0 Wigan Athletic.

Chelsea vs. Everton

Oh dear lord, what have we here? The two most and least in-form Blues we've seen in a VERY long time. So let's take a gander: Everton is injury hit in the worst possible way, while Chelsea lost Michael Essien for about a month. Don't underestimate his ability to be the engine room of a club, although in this case I think it won't matter. Poor Everton, they really aren't as bad as recent scorelines suggest. Chelsea 3-1 Everton.

Sunderland vs. Portsmouth

Darren Bent better get his shit together. We could also see Kenwyne Jones make an appearance after a long layoff. I've got Bent on the double and Portsmouth on the precipice of the Championship. Ouch. Sunderland 3-0 Portsmouth.

Tottenham vs. Wolverhampton

Tottenham are extremely in form right now, but there's something about Wolverhampton that's scrappy. At the very least, they'll make it interesting for them- for about 20 minutes. Then it's all Spurs, all the time. Tottenham 2-1 Wolves.

Bolton vs. Manchester City

Haven't seen anything spectacular from Bolton lately, but the same goes for City. I guess I'll take the Citizens in a boring match, although Robinho nabs a brace and will then reaffirm his committment to the club while trying to get Barcelona to sign him. Manchester City 2-1 Bolton.

Birmingham vs. West Ham

Birmingham's defense has been surprisingly strong this season, and West Ham have been surprisingly toothless. Hmm, I just can't help thinking that Gianfranco Zola has a trick or two up his sleeve. West Ham 1-0 Birmingham.

Hull City vs. Blackburn

This is my upset pick of the week. I've got Sam Allardyce's boys traveling to take on the shittiest team in the Premier League and they are going to make a hash of it. Somehow, Blackburn are almost as schizophrenic as Manchester City. They're favored to win, but when has Lady Luck ever ignored a footy match? Hull City 1-0 Blackburn.

Burnley vs. Fulham

The Cottagers travel to Burnley to take on one of the best home teams in the league. Roy Hodgson has got Fulham rolling though, and they're not slouches themselves in the away results category. Add in their solid defense, and I see an exciting, back and forth match in this one. Burnley 1-1 Fulham.

Manchester United vs. Aston Villa

The makeshift backline experiment continues, but this time things will be different. Aston Villa are a blazingly fast team, and they are really fucking good on the wings with Milner and Young. I think Jack Collins is returning to first team action finally, and although Patrice Evra is very very good, I don't think Michael Carrick will have what it takes to shut down Carew and Agbonlahor. Another upset from the giant-killers themselves. Aston Villa 2-1 Manchester United.

AND FINALLY, SUNDAY'S BIG BIG MATCHUP:

Liverpool vs. Arsenal

Arsenal are like Portugal- fluent footy, but easily bullied around by bigger teams. Liverpool aren't enormous, but I don't see Arsenal making a dent in Skrtl, Carragher, or Agger anytime soon. If Walcott returns, he'll have to get by Insua or Johnson, while Mascherano may make Fabregas' life miserable. If it sounds like I'm jonesing for a Liverpool win, it's because I am. Rumor has it that Fernando Torres and Steven Gerrard will be on the pitch together. Vermaelen thought it was hard marking Drogba? Try marking someone even faster, with his entire club trying to get the ball to him. Thrilling match, but in the end it's Liverpool doing the damage through its two big guns. Liverpool 3-2 Arsenal.

There you go, my picks for this week. I have a bad feeling that it's not going to swing my way so much this particular weekend, but that's ok. I'm still going to watch as much as I can.

Goal.com

Look, I check Goal.com every day for footballing news and updates. But some of the guys writing for this website are fucking idiots. The latest is Zac Lee Rigg, who bemoans Juventus' Champions League collapse but urges the management to stay with Ferrera. Ferrera should have been sacked 3 weeks ago, and now Rigg is expounding the virtues of Christian Poulson. Is he serious? Read this article:

http://www.goal.com/en-us/news/86/italy/2009/12/11/1681374/phalanx-prophecy-midweek-melee

Does he even watch Juventus play? There's a crisis going on that Ferrera isn't fixing, and it's the same crisis that plagues Real Madrid and Bayern Munich: no definitive footballing philosophy. Remember the golden age when Juventus featured lethal strikers and a rock-solid defense? Those days are no more, with all the strikers over the age of 29 and injury-prone, as well as only one truly world-class centre back. That centre-back isn't Cannavaro, it's Chiellini. Cmon Zac.

Big Hit

Apparently my Torres vs. Drogba article was well recieved, so in the future I'll be doing player matchup analyses. Just a heads up on that. Also, the Europa League is coming up next week, and I don't really care. Nice.

Picks for the Draw

Totally irrelevant, and completely random, but here's my picks for the Champions League knockout round draw. Keep in mind the following rules: no team can play another team from the same national federation. No team can play a team that was in its group. No 1st place team can play another 1st place team, and no 2nd place team can play another 2nd place team. With that in mind, here we go:

Bordeaux draws FC Porto.

It's an interesting phenomenon that weaker teams seem to get drawn together in the early knockout rounds. Not quite sure how that happens so frequently, but it does. Probably to allow for easier matchups later on. My money's on Bordeaux for this one, Gourcuff providing the magic and Chamakh providing the finish.

Manchester United draws Lyon.

This could be the tightest match in the entire knockout round, and I give the edge to ManU at home, but Lyon away- and Lyon makes it through on away goals.

Real Madrid draws Stuttgart.

Somehow they find a way to let Madrid through to the next round easily, even though they won't make it easy on themselves. Who are we kidding, I bet it goes 6-1 aggregate.

Chelsea draws Inter Milan.

There had to be one marquee matchup, and this is it. Mourinho's past comes back to haunt him as Didier Drogba shows exactly what Inter don't have anymore- that creative, behemoth-sized goalscoring machine with the silky touch. Mourinho won't be fired and he'll still win the league, but expect him to start sending out his resume.

Fiorentina draws CSKA Moscow

The Italians will have no trouble at home, but playing in Russia in the winter is a shitshow. Hopefully they'll make it through, and I don't really see why they wouldn't.

Barcelona draws Olimpiacos

Barcelona gets held to only 1-0 win in Greece, and all hell breaks loose at the Nou camp in a 5-0 destructo-derby fueled by Messi and Iniesta. Ouch, but they deserve it after a tough group stage.

Sevilla draws AC Milan

Defensive solidarity meets offensive firepower. Billed as a tight match, this one will go Milan's way in a hurry if Nesta stays fit. They know how to get it done on the big stage, while newcomers tend to choke under the pressure. Expect a tight, low-scoring affair.

Arsenal draws Bayern Munich.

It's size vs. skill in one of the most mouth-watering matchups you could ever hope for. The wonder wingers on each side will be doing their best, but it'll be the big men- or man, up front that makes the difference. That man is Ivica Olic. Watch Arsenal go down early, and Wenger's job is in serious jeopardy.

The Next Wunderkid

Because all eyes are on La Liga and the EPL, people tend to miss the goings-on of Serie A. That's fine, because those goings-on are usually slow-paced, boring, and over 35 years old. However, it's important not to forget that the Italian National Team is and always has been one of the greatest in the world, and there's a reason for that: the youth. Good young players turn into great old players. The current crop of Italian youngsters, as I've said before, is one of the best, and there's no doubt that they'll take Italy far in the NEXT World Cup (not this one, where they'll suck a big dick).

I'd like to turn your attention to the emergence of the next great Italian striker. Vincenzo Iaquinta, Luca Toni, and soon-to-be-Italian Amauri are all big, strong, clinical, and able to play up front on their own. They're all aging quickly, unfortunately. The young man I'd like to introduce you to is 19 years old. He plays and scores regularly at his club, where his set piece delivery, shooting, finishing, link-up play, flair, technical ability, and one on one skills are already far beyond his years. He's big, he's strong, he's Italian, he's... black? That's right, it can only be MARIO BALOTELLI.

"Super Mario," as he is affectionately known, only has one problem: his petulance. I think he's been watching too much Cristiano Ronaldo and not enough Raul Gonzalez. Here's the deal- Balotelli has the potential to be one of the world's best, if not THE best striker in the world, but only if he gets away from Jose Mourinho. Mourinho, bless his arrogant and tactically brilliant Portuguese heart, is absolutely horrible at developing young players. Look at Lassana Diarra, who couldn't get playing time at Arsenal or Chelsea. He is now one of the best holding midfielders in the world and currently plies his trade at Real Madrid. I would say that Arsene Wenger could easily turn Balotelli into a superstar, but he definitely doesn't have the team mentality required.

Ironically enough, there is a place in England where he should go. A place that badly needs a top quality striker. A team that is absolutely world class, but needs a youth injection as soon as possible. A team that needs cover for the upcoming African Cup of Nations, as well as another striker to fit in up top. A team that is big, strong, and has a fantastic manager who can nurture youth as well as experience, and has coached young Italian players before.

I'm not talking about David Moyes and Everton. I'm talking about those other Blues... Chelsea. Once Drogba and Kalou and Essien and Mikel leave for a month, who the fuck is going to cover/partner Nicolas Anelka? With di Santo out on loan (and not impressing at all), it looks like they're going to need an established starlet to produce up top. Who better than Super Mario? To cap things off, he has fantastic ball skills and loves to express himself on the pitch. Ancelotti can handle him, he'll flourish in a physical league, and he even has the world's best target man, Didier Drogba, to look up to. If he stays at Inter, he'll stagnate. Let the kid show his stuff somewhere he'll be appreciated. Abramovich, open your wallet.

Quick Picks

Don't have much time because I'm late for class, but here are my picks. And by the way, fuck me with the Juve pick. They need to fire their coach; losing at home 4-1 when qualification is at stake is UNACCEPTABLE, especially when you beat Inter 4 days earlier.

Inter vs. Rubin Kazan

Inter needs to qualify and they aren't pussies. Kazan is good, but something tells me that Mourinho's job will be safe. Inter 2-0 Kazan.

Dinamo Kiev vs. Barcelona

It's tough playing in Ukraine in the winter, but Barcelona NEED to win in order to ensure qualification. That said, Dinamo won't make it easy for them. Barcelona 2-1 Dinamo.

Stuttgart vs. Unirea

Stuttgart needs a win or they drop to the Europa League. They're playing at home, and they just changed managers, so this one is a crapshoot. I think they'll play their hearts out but to no avail. Stuttgart 1-1 Unirea.

The Final Matchday

Some BIG games coming up in tight groups that could decide who qualifies. Let's take a closer look:

Juventus vs. Bayern Munich

Bayern's most effective offensive weapon, Franck Ribery, is unavailable. This would be a big deal, except Juventus' two most potent defensive players, Buffon and Chiellini, are also unavailable. What does this mean? It means that Arjen Robben is the man to watch and the man to shut down. This one is going to be a low-scoring affair, extremely defensive on the Italian's side. If they put Del Piero up top with Amauri though, goals will flow and a draw would suit them nicely. Juventus 1-1 Bayern.

Besiktas vs. CSKA Moscow

The Russians need to win, and they need to win HANDILY. The interesting thing is that I don't think they will. It's not easy playing in Turkey, and they aren't really that good. On the other hand, it could get nasty quickly and CSKA could end up on top. CSKA 1-0 Besiktas, with at least one ejection.

Wolfsburg vs. Manchester United

A makeshift United backline takes on the formidable Wolfsburg attack in an interesting contest that means nothing for ManU and everything for the Germans. I expect a close game, but credit goes to the Wolfies for slamming in some set pieces. Wolfsburg 2-1 Manchester United, Dzeko scores off a header.

F.C. Zurich vs. AC Milan

Milan can't take anything for granted in this matchup, although qualification is all but assured. I expect a thumping win, believe it or not, just from the form they've been on recently. No Ronaldinho? No problem. Milan 2-0 Zurich, Pato back in form.

Marseille vs. Real Madrid

Deschamps' side needs a fucking miracle, but in a cruel twist of fate they will come oh so close. Marseille 2-1 Real Madrid.

The rest of the matches don't matter and I don't really care about them. Tune in tomorrow for updates.

Upcoming

There are only a few Champions League matches that matter, and even fewer between clubs that we want to see playing. All I can say is, without Giorgio Chiellini, Juventus might be fucked against Bayern. And it would take an extraordinary string of results to see Real Madrid fail to qualify- but that's exactly what I'm hoping for. Of course, I'd also love to see Wolfsburg go through and shock someone in the knockout round. My picks will be forthcoming soon.

What Makes a League Exciting?

Have you ever heard those announcers who keep saying shit like "the Premier League is the best league in the world!"

How about the ones who insist that "the world's brightest stars entertain us in La Liga."

With the cash infusion that the Prem has been recieving lately, the downfall of Italian football, and the influx of talent to Spain, it's easy to get caught up in the debate between sides adamant that their league is the world's best. Guess what? They're all wrong. Those leagues are NOT the world's best, and I'll tell you why.

A league can have the best teams in the world in it, winning the Champions League time after time, and still not be considered the best. So what is it that makes a league the best? COMPETITIVENESS. If, on any given day, any team can beat any other team, then that's a good fucking league. You never know what's going to happen, you never know who's going to win, and you never know what the final positions are going to be. There is no "Big Two," "Big Three," or "Big Four" as there is with Spanish, Italian, and English football, respectively. Which leads me to the world's most exciting league...

It's interesting to note that the world's most exciting league, and the league that I would say is not far behind in competetiveness, both reside in nations that have ALWAYS had strong domestic programs and therefore strong national teams and identities. These nations are (drumroll please) GERMANY followed by FRANCE.

Back in the day, Bayern Munich used to win it all, followed by Werder Bremen, and then some combination of Schalke, Hamburg, Leverkusen, and Stuttgart. No longer. Bayern has since fallen from grace. Stuttgart sits in the relegation zone, while Bremen without Diego are a midtable side that happen to be doing well. Hoffenheim, a newly promoted club, were in the lead for a large part of the season and only dropped out when one of their star strikers suffered a serious injury. On any given day, even the promoted sides can give the top teams a run for their money. Now that is fucking exciting. When was the last time we saw that? Is Xerez going to trouble Barcelona? Does anyone really think that Wolverhampton is going to lose by fewer than 3 goals to Chelsea? How about Livorno? Not doing so well against Inter Milan.

The other upside to this is that we could see a huge amount of turnover in the Champions League entrants. That's awesome, because then the little clubs could get a piece of that money-tastic pie and do even better for themselves. The problem is that in order to get there, they have to first prove themselves without that additional money. That's why it's so impressive when a team like Wolfsburg comes in and makes it to the knockout round (fingers crossed).

The bottom line is that money is going to drive successful clubs forward, and that's a shame. If that wasn't the case, we could see a lot more competition for the league title in a lot of different countries. Manchester United, for example, have loads of supporters who pay to see their top players play, and therefore ManU can afford to buy said players.

I fully support the Bundesliga's competitiveness and I love the way anyone can beat anyone. The turnover in top teams that make it into the Champions League is also a plus for me, but here's the rub: it's cruelly ironic that the "weaker" teams that win their league have to play against the traditional European superpowers and likely lose, thus making people think that the Bundesliga is a lesser domestic league than the EPL or La Liga. The same goes for Ligue 1. Here's to either Wolfsburg, Lyon, Bordeaux, or Bayern making it through to at least the quarterfinals. Is it a coincidence that we're also predicting Germany and France hitting at least the quarterfinals in the World Cup next summer? I don't think so.

Chelsea's Mentality

Carlo Ancelotti is a great coach, let's make sure there's no doubt about that. But something is missing in his mental preparation of his teams, and that has been happening for years. It happened with Milan and it happened with Chelsea today. Here's the problem:

Ancelotti's teams are amped up to play against rivals for the title, and they are supremely confident when it comes to the whipping boys of their domestic leagues. But when it comes to the upstarts, the teams that traditionally finish between 4th and 7th, they don't know what to do. They're too confident to take them seriously, and not pumped up enough to consider it a rivalry. It happened with Manchester City and it happened with Aston Villa. If Everton finds their form (one day soon I hope) then it will probably happen with them too. Ancelotti, get your boys under control!

World Cup Picks

So here is my prediction of the brackets, how they will turn out to the final:

Group A Winner: Mexico vs. Group B Runner-up: Nigeria

Winner: Nigeria, 1-0

Group A Runner-up: France vs. Group B Winner: Argentina

Winner: France, 2-1

Group C Winner: England vs. Group D Runner-up: Germany

Winner: England, 1-0

Group C Runner-up: USA vs. Group D Winner: Serbia

Winner: USA, 2-0

Group E Winner: Netherlands vs. Group F Runner-up: Italy

Winner: Netherlands, 3-1

Group E Runner-up: Cameroon vs. Group F Winner: Slovakia

Winner: Cameroon, 2-1

Group G Winner: Brazil vs. Group H Runner-up: Honduras

Winner: Brazil, 4-0

Group G Runner-up: Ivory Coast vs. Group H Winner: Spain

Winner: Ivory Coast, 2-1

QUARTERFINALS

England vs. Nigeria Winner: England, 2-0

Brazil vs. Netherlands Winner: Brazil, 2-1

France vs. USA Winner: France, 1-0

Cameroon vs. Ivory Coast Winner: Ivory Coast, 2-0

SEMIFINALS

England vs. Brazil Winner: Brazil, 2-1

France vs. Ivory Coast Winner: Ivory Coast, 1-0

FINAL

Brazil vs. Ivory Coast Winner: Brazil, 2-0

3rd PLACE

England vs. France Winner: England 2-1

World Cup Groups

Granted, we don't know the upcoming injury statuses that will surely plague many nations. But we do know the draw right now, and we know how fucking annoying Charlize Theron is. Here are the groups:

Group A

South Africa

Mexico

Uruguay

France

Group B

Argentina

Nigeria

Korea Republic (I think this is South Korea)

Greece

Group C

England

USA

Algeria

Slovenia

Group D

Germany

Australia

Serbia

Ghana

Group E

Italy

Paraguay

New Zealand

Slovakia

Group G

Brazil

Korea DPR (I think this is North Korea)

Ivory Coast

Portugal

Group H

Spain

Switzerland

Honduras

Chile

Sorry

Haven't been writing recently, sorry. Things have been extremely busy. Just a quick note: Didier Drogba is all I said he was and more. Singlehandedly destroyed Arsenal.

Also, the difference between Barcelona and Real Madrid: Barcelona adhere to a philosophy beyond all else; Madrid need certain players instead of a system. Messi can be replaced with Iniesta or Bojan or Pedro because they all fit into the system. Ronaldo cannot be replaced. What this means is teamwork over individualism, and Barcelona's style favors an 11 man team over 11 people playing together. It showed on Sunday. Get the picture?

Very Wrong

Bye bye Liverpool. I was wrong on your pick, although I nailed the win.

Great work Barcelona, although I think this time around Chelsea will have your number. Inter ain't going NOWHERE. No Messi, no Ibra, no problem?

Stuttgart did as expected. Rangers blow.

Olimpiacos and Alkmaar- snoozer, as was Dinamo and Rubin.

Great work by Fiorentina, and I was watching the match. There was no quarter given by Lyon, they were simply outclassed. The Viola may be going places.

Arsenal without key players these days. Chelsea will come a-knockin' this weekend. They still had enough to win over Standard easily at home though. Nice goals to boot.

Sevilla didn't get its shit together, in the upset pick of the day. Guess what though, nobody cares and it changes nothing.

The BIG Matchday 5

We could see two of Europe's biggest heavy-hitters knocked out this matchday. Of course, I'm talking about Barcelona and Liverpool. They lose, they go home. Hell, even if they win they still might end up going home, or at least to the Europa League. Without further ado, my picks:

Debreceni vs. Liverpool

Liverpool travel to Hungary, where defensive solidarity doesn't mean shit when an angry Steven Gerrard is bearing down on you. He'll get TWO goals and an assist to someone crazy. Hopefully won't re-injure himself. Liverpool 3-1 Debreceni

Fiorentina vs. Lyon

Two very potent attacks against two very well organized defense systems mean the difference will be in the midfield, particularly on the wings. Lyon has Govou and Cissokho running the flanks, while Vargas and Marchionni chip in the Fiorentina. Even their keepers, both French, are evenly matched (the edge goes to Frey though.) So, fuck it, evenly matched it is; Lyon don't need a win and Fiorentina are at home but slightly outclassed. Fiorentina 2-2 Lyon

Rubin Kazan vs. Dynamo Kyiv

BORING. Shevchenko scores and Kazan pull a late one. Rubin Kazan 1-1 Dynamo Kyiv

Barcelona vs. Inter

It's at the Nou Camp, but no Messi and a doubtful Ibra. Henry is back though. What does this mean? Slightly less magic down the flank as Iniesta replaces him, and we all know he's the able deputy. Keita and Busquets add some steel for Xavi to hide behind, and he'll need it with Cambiasso running around. All out attack meets Mourinho's park-the-bus strategy, and since it's at Barca I'm giving them the edge. A huge edge actually, because once the floodgates open they don't stop. Barcelona 3-1 Inter

Rangers vs. Stuttgart

Nobody cares about these teams at all. Stuttgart demolishes a shabby Rangers side. Stuttgart 3-0 Rangers

Unirea Urziceni vs. Sevilla

Sevilla have what it takes to MURDER these noobs, and they'll do just that, though not so emphatically. Give it only a few goals with a great performance from Adriano and Negredo. Unirea 0-2 Sevilla

Alkmaar vs Olimpiacos

Both teams need a win, and right now I call this as the upset pick. A tightly contested match gives the Dutch squad the 1-0 win. Congrats Koeman. Alkmaar 1-0 Olimpiacos

Arsenal vs. Standard Liege

Arsenal welcome Liege to the Emirates, and the memory of their last meeting will surely be fresh in their minds. Get ready to get shit on. Eduardo gets a nasty looking hat-trick, with 2 set up by Cesc. Arsenal 4-0 Standard Liege.

There's my picks for the first part, I'll be around tomorrow with the second part.

Mostly Right With a Chance of WTF

So I was mostly right this weekend, with a couple minor surprises and one HUGE surprise.

Liverpool ALMOST pulled out the result I was looking for. 2-2 with City wasn't quite the result THEY were looking for though. My call on Bellamy was in though.

Chelsea of course demolished Wolverhampton 4-0, close to my 3-0 pick.

Although I flirted with the idea of Arsenal's upset with Sunderland, I didn't call it. Should have though, shouldn't I? Dead wrong in any case, though it's nice to see Bent back on the scoreline.

Birmingham did pull out that surprise win against Fulham. Tsk tsk Cottagers, should have done better.

West Ham 3-3 Hull City was the 6 goal thriller that nobody saw coming. And since it's in the BPL basement, nobody cares too much. My bad on the pick. Someone please fund WHU.

Nice work from me on the Villa-Burnley draw call. Almost turned into a surprise loss actually.

ManU spanked Everton, and Fletcher's goal was fabulous. I underestimated their attack. Good shutout work though.

Fuck me in the asshole on Bolton vs. Blackburn. Nice work from Big Sam's boys.

Stoke City 1-0 Portsmouth. Nailed it, what can I say?

And finally, the retard that is me fucked up royally on TOTTENHAM 9-1 WIGAN

What the fuck though, in my defense nobody could have predicted the scoreline. Wish Defoe was on my fantasy team right about now...

So all in all I did pretty well. Certainly better than that Nick Webster noob on FSC's website. What a tard.

And no, Shane Evans, I don't pick the juciest matches to predict. I call 'em all, and call 'em well. Pussy.

The Weekend After The Break

Time for some picks. I haven't posted in a little while because I was enjoying the international break like so many non-Irish people. That said, this might have been the BEST international break in recent history. In fact, I can't think of too much that went wrong, France's dubious goal aside. Torres and Co. needed time to recover, as did many other top clubs. There's a grueling schedule coming up as we head into winter, with the Champions League and some clutch fixtures. So, onto the picks:

Liverpool hosts Manchester City

The game of the week has everybody talking about who's going to halt their downward spiral first. My money's on Liverpool, because they're playing at Anfield and Stevie G is back in town. No Torres? No problem, when Glen Johnson and Jamie Carragher return to the squad, it means that defensive solidarity and some nice runs down the wing will give the flop-tastic David N'Gog something to work with. Don't think he'll score though, but expect an interesting performance from Craig Bellamy for the Citizens. Oh, and just for the hell of it, Lucas gets a goal. Liverpool 2-1 City.

Chelsea welcomes Wolverhampton

I'll be quick and to the point, just like Chelsea will be. Drogba out, Anelka scores 2, Lampard chips in with one. Chelsea 3-0 Wolves.

Arsenal travel light, go to Sunderland

Hmmm. The upset pick this week? The way Sunderland have been playing you COULD say yes, but Darren Bent has not been on form lately. He hasn't scored in 3 or so matches. I'm hoping he breaks his duck, especially here and since Arsenal is defensively fragile. Don't think he will though, as the on form Gallas shuts him down time and time again. You know who will get a goal after a lengthy drought? Vermaelen and Eduardo. Arsenal 2-0 Sunderland.

Fulham are off to Birmingham

On paper it looks boring, but this match will be one of the most exciting you'll see as it's back and forth, back and forth. A late winner from Cristian Benitez might put Birmingham ahead at the death. Birmingham 2-1 Fulham.

Hull City host West Ham

A fixture between the cellar dwellers, and one that nobody will care about. Both defenses are too shoddy to break, both attacks too shitty to make an impact, so I'll go with the big difference maker: Carlton Cole. West Ham 1-0 Hull City.

Aston Villa travel to Burnley

Burnley have an absolutely sensational run going at home, where they are unbeaten in some number that I don't remember. Aston Villa are there to make sure it doesn't continue past this weekend. My bet is that it will- expect goals from Agbonlahor and Milner, but Burnley fight back with true underdog style. Aston Villa 2-2 Burnley.

Manchester United vs. Everton

The Toffees have been playing terribly lately, and although a win would boost their spirits immensely, it's just not on the cards. Welcome home Wayne Rooney though, because he'll have an extra bite playing against Everton. Either a goal or an assist from the young Englishman. ManU 1-0 Everton.

Bolton hosts Blackburn

Snore. Nobody cares. Nice headed goal from Kevin Davies and then another 80 or so minutes of boring football. Bolton 2-0 Blackburn.

Tottenham host a tough Wigan side

Tottenham suffers a surprise loss at the hands of Wigan's master of disaster this season, Huga Rodallega. A goal and an assist from him cancel's out Robbie Keane's furious opener. Wigan 2-1 Tottenham.

Stoke vs. Portsmouth

Portsmouth blows, yet somehow they play attractive footy? Doesn't matter at Stoke City, where the tough-as-nails organization of Tony Pulis' side will put them in the ground. They specialize in grinding out results. Stoke 1-0 Portsmouth.

There you have it, a pretty ordinary weekend with an upset or two for the BPL faithful. Enjoy the games, I know I will. And we have Champions League matches to look forward to as well.

When the Sun Isn't Shining...

Oh Arsene. How you delude us year after year with your champagne football, when the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the goals are flowing, the play is smooth and the injuries- well they aren't in full swing yet. And how you punish us for believing in you, year after year, when your paper thin squad suffers only 3 or 4 injuries and you draw a few games, and suddenly you've slid down the table.

Well folks, it's that time of the year again. Van Persie? Out for 6 weeks at best. Bendtner is recovering. Walcott recovering. Vela untested. Rosicky with a minor injury. Nasri slowly regaining match fitness. All you need is Fabregas to drop and you are out of the title race.

THIS is why you needed to invest in a utility player over the summer. A player who would be happy to sit on the bench, waiting for a moment like now, when half your squad is injured. A player who does the job that John O'Shea does for Manchester United, or that Belletti does for Chelsea. That player better arrive in the winter, although we all know he won't. So thanks for the ride, Arsene. It's been fun. But I think we're looking for something a little more long term, and although you score goals like it's your job, I just want a committed relationship. I'm sticking with Chelsea... it's not you, it's me.

A Letter...

The following is a rebuttal I was forced to write. I chose to write to one of the noobs over at Goal.com because even though they sometimes know what they're talking about, when they get it wrong they get it really wrong. Some of them are just plain 'tards.

The original article is here: https://www.goal.com/en-us/news/88/spain/2009/10/29/1591279/spanish-inquisition-why-manuel-pellegrini-should-be-retained

Basically it's some nub named Cyrus explaining to the world that Pellegrini is a tactical genius and is somehow not to blame for Madrid's recent failings, and that Guti is. Whatever. Consider yourself rebutted:

Dear Cyrus C. Malek:

While I strongly respect your opinion both as a sports journalist and as a fan of the beautiful game, I think your article entitled “Why Manuel Pellegrini Should Be Retained” is off the mark. Although Mr. Pellegrini did an admiral job of managing Villareal for the past 4 seasons, he does not have the credentials to take the helm at a team as storied and talented as Real Madrid, particularly when you consider the scope of the egos of the “New Galacticos.”

First of all, I do agree with you on several points. Manuel Pellegrini is an extremely tactically shrewd coach, and he is fundamentally sound when it comes to communication with his players. You are also correct that the self-esteem levels of several Madridistas are unnaturally high. However, a lot of tactically brilliant coaches find themselves lacking when it comes to man-management of these sorts of players.

The wealth of talent currently at Pellegrini’s disposal comes with a hefty price tag: that of the ego. Mr. Malek, you blame Guti’s petulant antics for much of the tension in the locker room and the lack of effort on the pitch. Is there perhaps a better reason why Guti would act this way? The simple answer is that he can get away with it. The more complicated answer has to do with Pellegrini’s man-management skills.

A great manager must understand how players think. Furthermore, he must be able to keep control over superstar players that think they, as individuals, are more important than the team. Florentino Perez erred when choosing Pellegrini for this role because he doesn’t have the experience with these kinds of players. Who is the most famous player for Villareal? It’s probably a three-way tie between Capdevilla, Rossi, and Robert Pires. How many people outside of Spain know who these players are? Not many. As a result, they don’t have the swelled head that someone like, say, Karim Benzema has.

Pellegrini should be sacked immediately because Real Madrid are floundering on all fronts. Losing to a team like Sevilla is one thing. Drawing with Sporting Gijon 0-0 is another. According to ESPN, Real Madrid had 67% possession and couldn’t capitalize. That’s unacceptable for a team with this much striking power.

When a player like Guti becomes more powerful than the coach, the boardroom knows it has a problem. Real Madrid’s problems are more than just Guti, however. An overreliance on Cristiano Ronaldo and Iker Casillas, the poor form of Benzema and Xabi Alonso, the lack of defensive solidarity in the back, and the complete mental meltdown after conceding means that there is a lot of work to be done, and it needs to be done by someone else.

Mr. Malek, you advocate Real Madrid taking a page out of Barcelona’s book. The only problem is, Barcelona wrote that book when they knew the story already, so they acquired it page by page. You expect Real Madrid to write the same book having bought similar pages at a yard sale and stapling them together. On paper it looks like a good idea, but when experienced in reality it doesn’t make sense. Real Madrid’s players are not tailor made for the asphyxiating style of Pep Guardiola’s Barcelona. The quick passing game should be there, but so too should the organization. This brings me to the real problem.

When players don’t defend properly, you blame them for being lazy. But is it really the player who is lazy? These are highly trained athletes that have had to adapt to different tactical systems in their careers, and they know what it takes to secure first-team football. The issue is organization. I can tell you from personal experience that when I saw Chelsea play AC Milan this summer, the Blues also had some marauding wingbacks. Unlike Pellegrini’s Real Madrid, however, Carlo Ancelotti’s Chelsea had John Obi Mikel, who was playing the same role as Lassana Diarra, covering back for either Ashley Cole or Jose Bosingwa. In the same vein, Arbeloa, Drenthe, Marcelo, and Sergio Ramos are far more talented going forward than they are at defending. Lassana Diarra and even Xabi Alonso and Esteban Granero need to cover the gaping holes on the sides of the defense. If those holes are even the slightest bit exposed, teams with strong wing players (Barcelona, Sevilla, Valencia) will make Real Madrid’s center backs pay dearly. According to soccernet, Real Madrid has conceded twice as many goals in the first half of their games (4) as they have in the second half of all their games (2). That mentality comes from the coach. They also have scored 15 goals in the second half of games compared with the first half (8). This responsibility also falls with the coach: great teams must play the full 90 minutes of a football match.

A more defensively organized mindest is required. But now, after firing Pellegrini, who should be hired? My recommendation is someone who understands defense, someone who is also tactically sound, and has had success at the highest level, dealing with egos like Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Douglas Maicon. Roberto Mancini, the now-unemployed former coach of Inter Milan, is completely available. He understands how defensive tactics are supposed to work from his experience in Italy. And if he can deal with “Ibracadabra,” he can deal with the likes of Ronaldo and company.

Pellegrini is not a bad coach, but he is definitely in way over his head. He needs to go immediately, or else he’ll dig Madrid into a deeper hole. And trust me, when El Clasico rolls around, Florentino Perez will be glad he found a coach who encourages more organization. With Ronaldo, Kaka, and Benzema up front, scoring goals won’t be the problem. Shutting down Madrid’s Catalan rivals from the back, however, is something that only an expert can deliver. An expert like Roberto Mancini.

R.I.P.

Robert Enke died today at the age of 32. He allegedly committed suicide. The stories that were going around (and were probably true) were that he was depressed ever since the death of his two year old daughter. I guess it just goes to show that nobody knows what goes on in the head of professional athletes.

Enke was in the twilight of his career, although we all know that goalkeepers have a greater shelf life than most. He was the number one choice at Hannover 96 and he was about to become the number one choice for the German national team. Germany has plenty of top-notch keepers, and Hannover has at least two replacements, but the footballing world has lost an emerging talent. More importantly, his wife and children have lost a husband and a father. I hope all other footballers out there can appreciate what they've got and realize that theirs is the greatest job in the world. Remember Robert Enke.

All The Focus

Liverpool is dominating headlines these days because of their inherent shittiness, and we should give them their due: they deserve to suck and grab the attention. They can't afford to fire Rafa, Gerrard and Torres are the only good players on the squad, and they are leaking goals like its their business. So this season should be the rebuilding season for them. The season where they clear out all the old blood and bring in some new talent. Aquilani was a good start although he can't really play the same role as Xabi Alonso, but let's see some new stuff. To what am I referring? I'm talking about three roles in the center of the pitch: Torres needs a partner, Gerrard needs a deputy, and Carragher needs a replacement with more vowels in his name.

Real Madrid is offloading players like mad, and that includes some of their surplus strikers. May I suggest a RVN return to the Premier League in the Michael Owen capacity? That would definitely set things right up top and give Rafa at least one more option that isn't named Babel or N'Gog.

In the land of centre-backs, Carragher once was king. Now he's turning into quite the peasant. I'm not saying he needs to go, but Kyrgiakos isn't the man for his job. Might I suggest another veteran that recently became out of work? He's quite talented and he'll serve as a fantastic option, as well as coming on the cheap. Nicola Legrottalie has fallen out of favor with the Juventus management, and I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to leave. Snap him up Rafa, or you'll be hurting in the back.

Gerrard's replacement? He might cost a chunk of cash, but get him now before he shows his stuff at the World Cup and his price inflates a la Arshavin. Marek Hamsik is begging to be pried away from Napoli, and he's young so you can build a team around him. Get crackin, Rafa, before you're fired.

The team that hasn't been grabbing headlines at all? Manchester United. Make no mistake, however, because they are certainly out of their league. They won't win anything this year, and the dominance they've enjoyed for the past 4 years will fade away. Sorry boys, but we could be seeing a mass exodus of players from your ranks. SAF needs to discover that next big star so he can prime him up and sell him to Real Madrid. Oh yeah, and after next year I think it's time to let the Da Silva twins loose on the rest of the league. It'll be a nice way to shore up some defensive weaknesses.

Speaking of defensive weaknesses, Arsenal needs to tighten it up. Vermaelen may have been a key signing, but he's still only one guy. That world-class holding midfielder needs to arrive, and soon. Arsenal needs to buy him in the winter window. The ironic thing is that they're playing so well they think they won't need to, and as a result they'll play shittier later. Oh yeah, and please loan out Alex Song to somewhere like the Bundesliga.

Chelsea are flying high, but that's temporary as well. SPLASH THE CASH or prepare to be crippled when the African Cup of Nations rolls around. Losing Obi, Essien, Kalou, Drogba all for the same period of time, with likely injuries afterward? That's two players in two essential positions. REINFORCE THOSE POSITIONS IMMEDIATELY! Especially strikers. You know who wants to leave his club? Dani Guiza. Grab him on the cheap and give him regular time. He'll fit in with the Portuguese contingent, and success is soon to follow, or at the very least provide a solid stopgap. Get on it Carlo.

When I'm Right, I'm Kinda Right

I mean, I wasn't 100% right. But I am a pretty damn good predictor of scores this week. Check it out:

Chelsea 1-0 Manchester United

John Terry scores off a- well it wasn't quite a corner, but I was right that he would get a goal. Captain for a reason, ok people? They won by the proper amount but not the proper score.

Tottenham 2-0 Sunderland

Bent DIDN'T get on the scoresheet which made me very not happy but Crouch certainly did wonders in the air for Spurs, assisting Keane's goal. And yes, they also won by the amount I predicted. Scoreline wasn't perfect though.

Arsenal 4-1 Wolves

Did anyone expect anything other than a fucking shitshow blowout? Poor Wolves, they couldn't hang with the big boys. Too bad. Nice work from Fab and Arshavin for the goals, although the rest of them didn't score. Too many own goals for one game I'd say.

AC Milan 2-1 Lazio

Pato off a Ronaldinho assist, what can I say? And they were never going to keep a clean sheet off of Zarate.

Inter 1-1 Roma

Lazy match from Inter, who couldn't kill it off. Roma had no business getting a point from this game.

Real Madrid 3-2 Atletico Madrid

Was there ever any doubt about who would win? I did call the goalscorers except for Raul and Kun, and I should have anticipated Simao sucking a giant cock. He's off my fantasy team I'll tell you that much.

Juventus 5-2 Atalanta

Who DIDN'T score in this match? I called Diego scoring but really this one was never in doubt.

Fiorentina 1-0 Udinese

Not the goalfest many were expecting, but my boy Vargas didn't let me down. Too bad he was on my fantasy bench.

Liverpool vs. Birmingham

REMAINS TO BE SEEN, BUT DON'T BE SURPRISED IF TORRES SCORES AND BIRMINGHAM SCRAPE A DRAW. UPDATES LATER

UPDATE: BIRMINGHAM SCRAPED THAT DRAW ALRIGHT, BUT LIVERPOOL NEEDED A DIVE TO ATTAIN IT. N'GOG CAN SUCK MY N'COCK

Some Quick Picks

Some interesting games this weekend. My picks, in varying levels of detail:

Chelsea 2-1 Manchester United. Drogba and John Terry score, one of them off a corner. Guess which one.

Tottenham 3-1 Sunderland. Darren Bent gets on the scoresheet so he's happy. Crouch does wonders in the air for the Spurs.

Arsenal 5-0 Wolves. What a pick, and why not? The way they're playing, I call goals from: RVP, Fab, Diaby, Arshavin, and Vermaelan. You know, the usual suspects.

AC Milan 1-1 Lazio. A boring match, but nice work Pato off a Ronaldinho assist.

Inter 3-0 Roma. We'll see an ejection here, and I'm guess either Mexes or Eto'o. Oh and expect a goal AND an assist from Milito.

Real Madrid 4-1 Atletico Madrid. Raul, Higuain, Marcelo, and Kaka from the spot makes Simao's early goal seem worthless. Exciting stuff.

Liverpool 0-0 Birmingham. Wishful thinking here, but maybe RAFA WILL GET THE SACK FINALLY? Ryan Babel will be his usual useless self, but could Kuyt finally score again? Nope.

Juventus 2-1 Atalanta. Diego gets his shit together and Trez poaches the game away.

Fiorentina 4-3 Udinese. Now that Di Natale's form has cooled down some, the Viola defense will soak up the pressure. I see a goal from Gila and Jovetic coming up in the match of the week. And Vargas, why not.

A Modest Proposal

I can tell you what every football fan hates: the 0-0 draw. It is closely followed by the 1-0 "park-the-bus" win. And in something as important as the Champions League, it's pretty much an enormous letdown. After all, attacking football is the exciting football. Don't we want to see Barcelona do their stuff? Isn't it great watching Arsenal rip other teams to pieces?

So here's the deal: minnows in the CL and domestic leagues tend to put 10 men behind the ball, and while that may be tactically sound it is REALLY FUCKING BORING. The fundamental problem is that there is absolutely no incentive for them to do otherwise- until this brainwave that I just had came along.

Pay teams by the goal. That's right, pay teams every time they score a goal. Reduce their sponsorship monies, but then add a bonus every time they score. And give a bonus to the winners, obviously. Here's what would happen:

The minnows, teams like Rubin Kazan and APOEL, are so glad to be in the Champions League that they don't want to win, they just want to get draws and parachute into the Europa League. And that's fine, good for them. But we want to see something interesting when we watch the Champions League, and since they're going to lose anyway, why not make a case about it?

Then, the big clubs like Barca, Chelsea, whatever, they can score goals at will. But since they have a much greater chance to win the CL, they can park the bus after they score because they don't need the money quite as much. The amount of cash distributed should be enough to encourage the little guys to go all out, but not so much that the quarterfinals and knockout rounds become an all out brawl. There needs to be some preservation of tactics.

That's my idea. Platini, it's your move.

CL-imination

We now have quite a few teams that have qualified with that magic number of points, 10. But the real question is, were my picks correct?

Bayern 0-2 Bordeaux

A boring match, to be sure but I had expected Bayern to put at least one goal in there. Well done Bordeaux, and thanks for the fantasy points Gourcuff ;)

Juventus 1-0 Maccabi Haifa

Dammit, Juventus it needs to be better than this. Truth be told they're lucky to escape with the win, particularly since without Buffon this could have turned ugly. What a miracle worker. I picked the win, but someone has to kickstart this offense NOW.

Manchester United 3-3 CSKA Moscow

The early suprise goal from the Russians? Check. Late drama? Check. Favorable call from the official? ...Not so much. Still, United have now qualified. Onward and upward.

Wolfsburg 3-0 Besiktas

The wolves were howling when the Turks got pounded into the ground. I called the goalfest and the Wolfie win, but the scoreline was a bit off. It was also not as violent as I'd earlier thought. And of course Obafemi Martins did nothing. Note to Besiktas: buy a quality striker.

AC Milan 1-1 Real Madrid

Holy crap, Madrid need to get their shit together. They should be eating the old-timers of Milan for breakfast. Nesta played, but Milan didn't eke that 1-0 victory that I'd anticipated. Still, I was close, so I've got to give myself credit. Ah, there I go. Thanks me.

Marseille 6-1 Zurich

What a blowout. Surprisingly, if you look at my picks I was somewhat right. Zurich did keep it interesting for a decent amount of time, but Marseille starting bombing them in later on in the game. Holy shit. Enjoy the Europa League guys.

Porto 1-0 APOEL

Damn, I knew that this would happen. Porto scored late but a boring draw WAS on the cards for a little bit. Porto have now qualified with 9 points. Nicely done boys. Too bad Hulk couldn't score though.

Chelsea 2-2 Atletico Madrid

Who saw this coming? I was quite literally wrong about everything possible. Drogba played the whole game with good reason, there was no penalty given, and Aguero came out of nowhere to score a brace. I guess I'll just go fuck myself.

WEDNESDAY

Fiorentina 5-2 Debrecen

A poached goal from Gilardino and then 4 MORE FROM THE REST OF THE TEAM went beyond my predictions. Fiorentina have what it takes to go further than any other Italian squad. Debrecen? Doesn't even deserve the Europa League.

Liverpool 1-1 Lyon

Congrats to Torres for playing through the pain barrier, but I was only right about the flurry of late goals. It wasn't quite the match of the year either, as play was constantly broken up by stupid fouls. Liverpool need a miracle now, and a favor from Lyon. Doubtful but possible.

Barcelona 0-0 Rubin Kazan

Boring. Cold. Ibrahimovic missed a sitter. Messi shut down. Iniesta brilliant but couldn't finish as usual. Nice to see Henry back. Done talking in incomplete sentences. PLEASE QUALIFY BARCA!

Inter 2-1 Kiev

NAILED IT! One assist from Milito? Check. 2-1 Inter? Check. Freezing their nuts off? Check. REWARD PLEASE!

Rangers 1-1 Unirea

Nobody cares about this match except that the goals were quite nice from both ends. Neither of these clubs are going anywhere. I was close, except I forgot that Unirea blows.

Sevilla 1-1 Stuttgart

Navas scored, but no brace. Sevilla should have shut the game down but they didn't. Now they've qualified, so they don't care.

Arsenal 4-1 Alkmaar

Nice work from the Gunners, and I wasn't off by too much. We'll see if Wenger does moan about the ref. Nothing too crazy here.

UPSET PICK

Standard 2-0 Olimpiacos

Nice work boys, but the only one going anywhere in this group is Arsenal. Could they go all the way? They have to beat Standard soundly first.

The Big Matchday 4, Part Dos

Wednesday's picks:

Fiorentina vs. Debrecen

The Italian underdogs are getting their groove on, and Debrecen are quite the whipping boys of the group. Nothing fancy here, a Gilardino poached goal should suffice, with maybe a late one from the unpredictable Vargas. 2-0 Fiorentina.

Liverpool travel to Lyon

Holy shit this might be the match of the century. Why is it that Liverpool only play well when their back is against the wall? Benitez has taken away his players' confidence this time around though, and it really blows because they have never needed to win a match so badly before. Does Fernando Torres score? Of course he does. Does Lyon win, is the big question? I think this match will be one of the most interesting to watch, and it will come down to the death. In fact, Lyon will be up 2-1 before a late flurry of goals from Dirk Kuyt and LUCAS OF ALL PEOPLE put them ahead for good. 3-2 Liverpool in the match of the fucking year.

Barcelona freeze their nuts off at Rubin Kazan

Blaugrana better score early or they won't win, and they need to. Expect great things from Leo Messi and Ibracadabra, but I think the star of the show will be Iniesta. He picked them apart last time around and the only thing lacking is his finishing. Not this time though: a goal from Iniesta will hold them over in a bitterly cold match. 1-0 Barcelona.

Inter freeze too at Kiev

Nerazzurri are made of stronger stuff than Barca and romp to a 2-1 win. Stankovic gets his shit together and scores, and so does Eto'o. Milito, if he plays, will get one assist. 2-1 Inter.

Unirea host Rangers

What an embarassment Rangers have been recently. Tonight will be no exception, as they somehow manage to completely fuck up an easy match. 1-0 Rangers at halftime, 3-1 Unirea at the death. Bye bye Rangers, and sorry about Beasley and Edu.

Sevilla host Stuttgart

Welcome to Barcelona Junior, the team that seems to have it all. Marauding wingbacks? Check. Solid midfield core supported by very competent wingers? Check. Target men who score goals like it's their job? Check. If you thought this match sucked in Germany, wait til you see Jesus Navas come alive at home. 4-0 Sevilla, Navas gets a brace.

Arsenal at home facing Alkmaar

Koeman had their number before, but a little bit of faith in the young gunners goes a long way right Arsene? Van Persie gets on the scoresheet first, off of a cross where he slides in and pokes it home a la' Drogba. Then Fabregas, and to top things off, we haven't heard from Vermaelen for a while have we? 3-0 Arsenal, and yet somehow Wenger will still moan about the ref.

Olympiakos travel to Standard Liege

The Greeks have all but qualified. Standard can produce some magic, especially at home, but they are defensively frail. This one should be pretty boring, but it's my upset pick: 2-1 Standard.

The Big Matchday 4

This one could decide it all prematurely. Who goes through? Who sucks cock? And who the fuck does Xavi's hair? I mean it's always so goddamn conditioned, I'm so jealous.

My picks for this week's Matchday 4:

Tuesday

Bayern at home vs. Bordeaux

This one could turn out to be a boring fucking match, as the two teams don't need a win and would settle for a draw. Bayern needs the points more, but do they have the talent to make it happen? Even at home, Bayern are perennial underachievers and I call this one an extremely boring 2-2 draw. Hopefully we'll see some magic from Gourcuff.

Juventus visits Maccabi Haifa

Juventus, if there was ever a time to turn on the fucking jets it is RIGHT NOW. If Juventus don't win this game then they are in serious trouble because the other two big boys will smell blood. I'm rooting for them, but more importantly I think they've got the quality and the will to win, despite the fuckup this weekend. 3-0 Juventus, with a goal from Amauri to start things off.

Manchester United hosts CSKA Moscow

This match I tip CSKA to score an early surprise goal, but quality and home-field advantage will win out. 2-1 Manchester United, and don't be surprised if they get some favorable calls from the official to help it along.

Wolfsburg travel to Besiktas

Grafite is ruled out due to suspension but Dzeko is up for the challenge. Obafemi Martins could make a useless appearance. Both teams need points desperately, and I think we could see an extremely violent match. I'm calling another ejection and a goalfest of 4-2 with Wolfsburg coming out on top.

AC Milan host Real Madrid

Home field advantage doesn't really mean much to the Italians, but pressure does. The fact of the matter is that if Madrid don't win this match they might bounce out of the group stage completely. On the other hand, is Milan really that good? At dealing with pressure yes, at playing no. If Nesta plays the entire match then I predict a 1-0 Milan victory. If he comes off injured then Madrid will pip it 2-0, both in the second half. Oh, and if Ronaldo plays then Madrid win 3-1. There, I'm ready for any contingency.

Marseille travel to Zurich

OM need a win to keep their hopes alive, and although they managed to squeak a win over Zurich earlier, they haven't really done enough to show their quality. Would it be too much to predict another Heinze goal? Probably, so I won't. I will, however, expect Zurich to make things interesting for Marseille, right up until the 70th minute or so. Then OM scores two quick ones to dispatch the Swiss with aplomb. 2-0 Marseille.

APOEL welcome Porto

Porto has been playing quite well recently, but if they want any hope of advancing they need to win this game. Ironically enough, I don't think they will. A 1-1 draw is on the cards, and APOEL hang tight at home. My money's on Hulk for the Portuguese.

Atletico Madrid invite Chelsea over for an anal excavation project

Actually, it won't be quite that bad. Ancelotti has this weekend's fixture to look forward to, so after he puts away his penalty, Frank Lampard will be substituted. Drogba will also be taken out early if he plays at all. Oh, and I think Simao will toss a free kick to Ujfalusi for a nicely headed goal that Cech misjudges. 3-1 Chelsea, a comfortable win but the clean sheets must end sometime.

Interesting Weekend

Some notable things occurred this weekend, most of them involving me being wrong with a couple of picks. Liverpool and Wigan come to mind...

I was close but not quite right with the Arsenal match. Tottenham once again didn't have the mental strength to compete with Arsenal, and let them dictate the flow of the game. They had about 30 good minutes and then packed their bags and allowed Arsenal to steamroll them. Again. Actual score was 3-0, and nice work by Sagna and RVP for the link-up play.

Interesting match with the Chelsea pick. The game was rather physical, but I could not have predicted quite how poorly Cahill would play. One thing I nailed was the ejection- straight red for bringing down Drogba when he was clear on goal. He played it up but it was absolutely a foul. Chelsea obliterated Bolton and their defense held tight. Nice to see Deco back in the side.

Burnley beat Hull comprehensively and again, the ejection changed the match. The result was never in doubt, but Burnley had that confidence immediately. Sorry Hull, you guys are fucked this year. How about focusing on rebuilding so you can win the Championship?

Everton ended up with that 1-1 draw that I predicted. Nice work from them, and I'm sure that David Moyes is eagerly awaiting the return of some of his key players (Arteta, anyone?) so he won't get fired. 3 weeks Davey, make it rain out there. Aston Villa have to improve. They have the high powered offense to make this work, but Gareth Barry's presence is being seriously felt. They need a replacement who can make it happen in the Premier League. Splash some cash and pick one up Martin, it will be the best decision you can make.

Manchester United have developed this new mindset where they win games by putting forth as little effort as possible. Quite frankly it's a mystery to me how they do it. Anyone, the offense was once again weaksauce, and although Berbatov had a goal-of-the-week moment, both the goals came late. Like, really late. WORRYINGLY late. SAF, you need a striker immediately. A suitable replacement has not been found and that needs to be your top priority. Both of your last goalmachine players now ply their trade at the Bernabeau, so get a new one. There's plenty out there, but you'll win NOTHING this season if you don't act immediately.

In the past couple years, Fulham have pulled off upsets out of nowhere sometimes, and I think they smelled blood. Liverpool is extremely vulnerable right now and they really couldn't do anything to help themselves. I saw something on FOX Soccer Channel that was interesting, though: one of the dudes pointed out the expressions on the faces of the players who were substituted. Torres, Benayoun, and Kuyt all walked off that pitch with disdain, disappointment, and confusion spray painted on their countenances. "Why am I coming off? I can help you win this game." Rafa, saving players for the Champions League is great, but if you don't qualify for next year's CL then it's pretty pointless isn't it? Unfortunately, the financial state of the club means they can't afford to fire this dumb fuck. Too bad, Rijkaard is available soon I think.

2 red cards also highlight the defensive inabilities that plague Liverpool. There's a reason why I don't have a Liverpool defender on my fantasy team. I did nail the "Torres only gets one" though.

Nice work Wolves, great comeback against Stoke. I was pretty impressed by this game, because I thought I had it perfectly figured out. To be fair, Stoke should have won this match. The first Wolves goal was CLEARLY offside. Otherwise, great match from both sides, although Wolves will want to get their shit together defensively. Stoke is not exactly prolific when it comes to scoring, but they got their goals in quick, and could have had another if Faye was aiming his header (totally unmarked).

Portsmouth... wow. Wigan hasn't exactly been in a slump after beating Chelsea, with Rodallega in particular getting on the scoresheet. He's playing well, but man what the fuck happened? I still think Portsmouth will be relegated if they don't get a huge cash injection before the winter window, but they have been playing good footy and made a point this week. Flowing football for the win is always a good thing. Probably won't save them from the drop though. I was fucking WRONG on this one.

Sunderland, what's happened to you? See, this is what I was talking about earlier with Darren Bent. When the goals dry up, what will happen? Well, he's either going to score next week or I'm getting rid of him on my fantasy team. I'll tell you this much though, West Ham are fighters. They are in the relegation zone and Zola is putting a great mental edge on these guys, because they simply do not quit. The draw against Arsenal was evidence of that and here's another example. Sunderland have got to get their shit together, and now. If Bent doesn't score, who will pick up the pieces? I'll tell you who didn't: Kenwyne Jones. Nice going, moron.

We'll see which teams recover and which teams suck balls next week. I can already tell you that I don't like Manchester United's chances at the Bridge.

Picks

This weekend we have some extremely important games. In fact, most of these fixtures are a barometer of sorts. The fact of the matter is that we are now far enough into the season that teams should be showing their true quality. So, on to the picks:

Derby time: Arsenal vs. Tottenham

There are serious questions being asked of both of these teams. Tottenham's question is, "can they roll with the big boys?" Arsenal's is, "do they have the defensive chops and big-game credentials?" The answer to both questions is ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING WAY.

Redknapp has built a team with a strong work ethic that plays hard, but every single player there has been either a fringe player for a big club, or never played for one at all. There is quality, but the mentality about facing one of the Big Four remains the same. When shit gets tight, Tottenham will buckle.

Arsenal concede goals like it's their job. The only difference is, they score like it too. Sounds like a certain Spanish Champion, with one difference: the bench. Arsenal's bench is too weak, and against Spurs they'll have to grab the lead and hold on tight. A comeback wouldn't be too much to ask for, but I predict another thriller at the Emirates. 4-2 Arsenal takes charge in the beginning of the second half.

Bolton vs. Chelsea

Bolton have a very very physical aspect to their play and are fantastic in the air. Chelsea is the same, but sometimes suffer from set pieces. Would it be too much to predict that Kevin Davies scores off of a corner, but Chelsea wins comfortably? 3-1 Chelsea, with at least one ejection and 6 cautions.

Bolton just want to stay midtable, and they don't SERIOUSLY expect to win. They'll play for a 1-1 draw. Chelsea, on the other hand, need to steamroll Bolton in order to keep their title hopes alive. This match will get nasty, and the end result could have far reaching effects. Hopefully nobody gets injured, but I expect either Ballack, Cole, or Carvalho to come limping off at some point.

Burnley vs. Hull City

Hull City are the whipping boys of the Premier League and although both these clubs are tipped for relegation, Hull will still think they'll have a fighting chance at this one. It's possible if they score early, but Burnley's home form has been outrageously good this year. Look for a 2-1 Burnley win, with Hull scoring at the last minute but it not meaning shit. Burnley's in a good place. Hull? Relegated, and I'd bet my life on it.

Everton vs. Aston Villa

Home advantage, David Moyes, and the DESPERATE need for a win makes this game a back-against-the-wall type of situation for the blues. I think they'll eke out a 1-1 draw, because Villa's attack is simply too strong to withstand. Look for Tim Cahill in the air. The result of this match can mean many different things: Villa winning comfortably means crisis time at Goodison and cheers all around for Villa. Everton winning comfortably means the crisis is over, and is a good building block to recover from. The draw, my prediction, means that both teams are fucked; they each need points, and didn't get enough. A tight win for either side will be a morality boost for both but a consolation for neither.

Fulham vs. Liverpool

I remember this fixture on the back end of last year. I was in Dublin and when Yossi scored the place went fucking nuts. Expect him to put in a stellar performance again, with Kuyt shackled on the wing. Torres, if he gets on the scoresheet, will only grab one. Expect Lucas to have a big game, and I wouldn't be surprised if he scores. With Carragher and Agger back to their best, the only question is at right back, where Johnson won't be playing. No matter; 2-0 to Liverpool in a reassuring performance for Rafa.

Portsmouth vs Wigan

Portsmouth need a win. They won't get it. Rodallega will get a goal and an assist. Portsmouth will be summarily dismantled, although they could get a goal from the one Israeli dude who keeps popping up with random goals. Who cares. Wigan 2-0 Portsmouth in what is actually a fun match to watch. Portsmouth play decently sexy football although their finishing isn't quite there.

Stoke vs. Wolves

Welcome to the home of the most underrated side in the Premiership, Stoke City. Sit back and strap in, because they don't play pretty, they don't play nice, they just play to win. Hey, who cares how it looks if all 3 points are in the bag, right? The uncompromising Stoke defense will hold Wolves' admittedly weak attack at bay, and they'll do what they do best: grind out a win. 1-0 Stoke.

Sunderland vs. West Ham

The Hammers are in deep shit, and the outcome of this game probably won't help them. Darrent Bent has been absolutely on fire this year, and this game is the big test: if he scores, he's back onto it. If he doesn't score, I'll probably sell him from my fantasy team. The Hammers showed grit against Arsenal but it was also due to a bit of luck. Sunderland have built a VERY strong team and I fully expect West Ham to get the goose egg. 3-0 Sunderland if Darren Bent scores, otherwise 2-1 Sunderland.

Manchester United vs. Blackburn

Holy shit do I feel bad for Blackburn. I'd bet that they'll have tried to tighten up their defenses after the embarassment against Chelsea, and the question is will it work? The answer is no. United play a completely different way than Chelsea, with completely different players. I fully expect goals from Berbatov, Valencia, and Nani. In fact, I'll go so far as to predict ANOTHER disaster for the poor Blackburn supporters. When Manchester United smells blood, everyone wants to get in on the act. 5-0 Manchester United.

That Passport Does Wonders

Congratulations Amauri! Two goals and one assist in a clutch game for the Old Lady, against one of the most prolific strike forces in the league, and a not-unskilled defense. Sampdoria had been riding high, but Juventus shut them down.

Juventus has an enormous advantage over many teams in Europe. They have THREE top class strikers that can play up front ON THEIR OWN. That is an absolutely rarity. They also have Giovinco, Del Piero, and Diego to offer them support. Camoranesi and Giovinco can also roam on the wing, while Sissoko, Felipe Melo, Tiago, and Christian Poulson take care of the middle. How is it that a team like this wasn't smashing the ball into the net 5 times a game like they did today?

Injuries play a huge part in this. ADP is still out for a month, Caceres has a broken nose, and several other plays are in some way, shape or form incapacitated. I've said it before and I've said it again, wait til Juve get a full strength squad up and running. It'll be quite fearsome for the opposition.

Juventus has had problems up top recently. The issue, it seems, is with those same three strikers I've been raving about. Amauri was in a huge goal draught, Trezeguet had problems with the higher-ups, and Iaquinta is now recovering from surgery (this will take about 40 days). So despite the absolutely amazing support that they recieve, they simply couldn't put the ball in the net. Enter Amauri's Italian passport. He must be thrilled to get it, because he's already hit 4 goals in the league and he's aiming for more. When he's on form, Amauri is an incredibly powerful frontman. He's very strong and amazing in the air, but he's Brazilian so he understands slick passing and teamplay. The problem is, he hasn't been on form- until now. The added mental boost of finally getting that passport after waiting so long must have paid off. Amauri, if he stays healthy, will now start banging them in like it's his fucking job. Which it is.

He'd be a safe bet for any fantasy team out there, and there's an added bonus: finally, the Italian National Team will have a target man that doesn't suck a monstrous cock. Luca Toni, you've had your time in the sun, but Amauri is stepping up. Gilardino doesn't perform in big games when it counts, and he's not a target man, he's a poacher. When playing with a single striker up top, the Azzurri can finally afford to play a stronger midfield and fill that trequartista role that they've been missing. This is a country that has always, always, ALWAYS been reliant on it's supporting second-striker role, and their run at the upcoming World Cup will reflect the quality available in that position. For that reason, I would like to make this recommendation to Marcello Lippi, unrelated though it may be to this post:

Call up Antonio Cassano. If you don't, Italy will not even make it to the quarterfinals of the World Cup.

Bouncing Back

Great teams bounce back. Period. So when two supposed favorites in the Champions League lost their respective games, it took exactly 4 days for each to show whether or not they had what it takes.

Guess what? Liverpool isn't just a two-man team. Technically, they can be a one-man team when Fernando Torres is given half a chance. In seriousness, Liverpool played like their title hopes depended on this game, which they did. And they came through admirably, beating Manchester United comprehensively. It's not as though ManU has lost its bite after Ronaldo and Tevez left; they've simply reorganized at the front. They're more of a squad club now.

Liverpool has two world class players, a couple of very very good players, and the rest simply good players. When one of those world class players, Torres, comes through for them, they're unstoppable. It shows real character to beat one of their biggest rivals after losing 4 straight.

Now granted, without Ronaldo and Tevez, Manchester United have scored fewer goals. Their strikers consist of a semi-injured poacher, a languid playmaker, and a top-quality support striker. Who is going to take the initiative? Nobody, and that's why Carragher and Agger dealt so smoothly with everything United had to offer. With the aging Rio Ferdinand and the temperamental Vidic in the back, Liverpool know that it's only a matter of time before they set Torres loose. They played like winners today, and considering the state of the boardroom, finances, and record of the club, that's quite a compliment.

Real Madrid on the other hand has the raw talent to win the treble. The question is, will they? With them, the problem is mental. Nobody is saying that a team with Kaka, Xabi Alonso, Granero, Raul, Benzema, and Casillas in the back isn't good enough... nobody, that is, except for the players themselves. The draw with Sporting Gijon highlights the problems with buying a team instead of building one. Not only do the players have to gel together, but they have to get used to winning. Neither of these things have happened, and it will start to turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more they lose, the more they'll believe they can't win. There's really only one thing that can halt this slide, and I hate to say it: Cristiano Ronaldo. He single-handedly wins games and he makes players around him better just by being on the pitch. When he's in the game, players are mentally more confident because they know that he can pick up the pieces. If Ronaldo's return doesn't bolster the failing Madrid, then we will see quite a few changes in the management. Hell, Pellegrini could be sacked this weekend.

Liverpool are used to winning. This Madrid team isn't. That mentality is the difference between a three goal comeback in Instanbul, and a 0-0 draw to a relegation-tipped side. Don't expect too much from the Merengues this season.

Le Underrated

The team that nobody saw coming: Lyon. Take a good look at them now, because they're going places in the Champions League. Getting rid of Benzema could have been a blessing in disguise. Check out who they bought: Gomis, Cissokho, and Lisandro. All for getting rid of a single striker (and the aging Juninho). They recieved very little press coverage and have been quietly turning themselves into a force to be reckoned with.

Lyon have scored 7 goals and conceded 1 in the Champions League. Considering their opponents, that is impressive. Lyon went to Anfield and got a win. Now, let's not forget that Gerrard and Torres were absent, but a win at Anfield is a win at Anfield. Last season, Liverpool had the most high-powered offense in the league. Lyon let in a single goal from them and scored 2 of their own. Then they blanked Fiorentina, a small club that is quickly rising to the level of Champions League regulars. Fiorentina's offense is no less potent; Mutu, Gilardino, Jovetic, with Vargas adding goals and support from Zanetti and Montolivo in the midfield. That says quite a bit about Lyon's defense. They are now virtually guaranteed to finish top of their group, and who knows what could happen from there.

Meanwhile, we could see Liverpool parachute into the Europa League. I hope they do, because it is pretty much the only thing that can guarantee Rafa getting the sack. Bye bye.

Lyon can take on almost any team in the Champions League right now. Chelsea and Barcelona are the two exceptions, and of course the unpredictable AC Milan. But look for them to head to the quarterfinals this season. You heard it here first.

Strikers Ranked

The world's best strikers, ranked as I see fit.

1. Didier Drogba

2. David Villa

3. Fernando Torres

4. Zlatan Ibrahimovic

5. Wayne Rooney

6. Thierry Henry

7. Ruud van Nistelrooy

8. Samuel Eto'o

9. Robin van Persie

10. Luis Fabiano

and finally

11. Thomas Vermaelen

Ok sike on that last one. He does have a way of scoring goals though, doesn't he?

Happens to the Best of Us

Barcelona lost today, to a vastly inferior side. It wasn't that FC Rubin Kazan shouldn't have won- they earned everything they got. But Barcelona had 20 shots and probably close to 70% possession. They hit the post twice and had appeals for penalties denied. If Lady Luck was smiling on anybody tonight, it was the Russians.

Barcelona are still joint group leaders, and they will likely win their group. Inter is in last place and they drew two of those games at home. Imagine how it will be when they play in Ukraine... or at the Nou Camp. Barcelona just lost at home, but they get to host Inter and Dinamo later on. The question is, will this happen again?

A draw this weekend with Valencia, combined with this loss, should have Pep seething. He was missing Thierry Henry and now he's also missing Dani Alves for three weeks. Real Madrid are on an upsurge right now. If Barcelona don't get their shit together IMMEDIATELY, they risk losing the title. Barca need to get positive momentum going so they can a) beat Rubin Kazan in Russia, and b) beat Real Madrid in the league a few weeks later. Should both of those things come to pass, and the squad stays injury free, we could see Barcelona regain their crown as La Liga AND Champions League kings. You heard it here first.

Uh Oh

It's officially crisis time-- again. And this is the earliest it's ever happened.

Liverpool just lost 4 games on the trot. They have their two main (only) players sidelined with injuries, and no viable replacements. They are financially hamstrung and they're losing support every second.

What to do? Well the answer is simple, and it's been coming for quite some time: GET RID OF RAFA. This might finally be the season that does it. If Liverpool bounce out of the Champions League Group Stage and into the Europa League, Rafa will get the chop. And good riddance.

Everything about this guy is fucking ridiculous. His inane rotation policy? Why? What purpose does it serve except to destabilize those players with a decent run of form?

Positioning formations? Who the fuck puts Fabio Aurelio as a defensive midfielder? What is this guy thinking? And for that matter, why does he insist on playing with wingers when nobody on the team is a natural wide-man? Why not try the Christmas tree formation, with Benayoun and Kuyt supporting Torres, and Gerrard, Mascherano, and Lucas anchoring the base of the tree? Seems like it would fit better.

The transfer market - except for Torres and Mascherano, Rafa hasn't done shit. Robbie Keane? Useless. Getting rid of Peter Crouch? Why? Buying Glen Johnson and letting Xabi Alonso go? I don't think he's quite the replacement you were looking for. Let's see how Aquilani does.

Rafa is a terrible manager. Liverpool have been getting by on the strength of their players for far too long, but that's starting to fade quickly. Get rid of him and bring in someone who knows what the fuck they're doing. Now.

Form? Or Class?

What's the difference between form and class? As one famous pundit whose name I don't give a shit about said, "form is fleeting; class is permanent."

Nobody would argue that Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi are world class players, regardless of their form. But the question is raised: when players who are simply above average but not world class play exceptionally, how can you tell whether they've raised their game or are just in a good run of confidence and luck?

One player who I've been wondering about lately is Darren Bent. He's scored 8 goals in 9 appearances for Sunderland, and is in sparkling form lately. Looks like the best bit of business that Sunderland have done in a while. The question remains though: is Bent, a player who scored only 18 goals in 60 appearances for Tottenham, truly coming into his own? Or is it a run of form from an above average player?

I hate to say it, but I think it's the latter. World class players are brilliant no matter what club they play for, no matter which club they play against, and no matter who is on the pitch with them. At Tottenham, this wasn't the case. Although he excelled at Charlton and will likely do well at Sunderland, all it will take is a defensive lapse, a poor run of results, or an injury to do him in. It reminds me of Agbonlahor from last season. He went on a run of scoring with something like 10 goals in 13 matches, but then all of a sudden the goals dried up. He's good, but he's not world class.

Time will tell with Bent. It'll take a couple shitty games from Sunderland before we see whether he can keep on pumping out goals, or if he folds under the pressure.

The 'Pool Isn't Deep

If I had to make a list of players that are "above average but not world class," it would pretty much encompass the entire Liverpool squad. Without Torres and Gerrard, they quite literally have nothing. Benayoun? Creative but finicky. Can't finish either, he's off and on. Babel sucks, he's fast but he has poor decision making skills. Lucas? Just a bland central midfielder. Kuyt? Works hard, but he needs a central striker to play off of. He's not a winger and it shows. David N'Gog? Young and so far useless. Riera? He can shoot and that is about it. Voronin? For some reason, only excels in the Bundesliga.

So what's the problem? No replacement for the two truly world class players on the squad. When I say no replacement, I don't mean that nobody can play that position at all. Lucas can fill in for Mascherano. Riera, Babel, Kuyt, Benayoun, even Aurelio and Johnson can play on the wings. But when it comes to having a target man, one of the world's best lone strikers, NOBODY on the squad even comes close to Fernando Torres. It was rumored during the transfer window that Benitez wanted to get his hands on Alvaro Negredo. It seems now that wouldn't have been such a bad idea.

A replacement for Steven Gerrard? That's a even more difficult. Steven Gerrard is the heart, soul, and spine of Liverpool. Where can you find a suitable replacement for him? He's like a combination of Mascherano, Benayoun, and Albert Riera. The closest player in the Premier League is either Frank Lampard or Gareth Barry. And while they are close seconds, they can't do what Gerrard does. Liverpool is a squad of mediocre players supporting two world-class players.

The difference between this squad and that of Manchester United for the last 2 years is the supporting cast. Manchester United was built around Cristiano Ronaldo and he is unquestionably a genius. Likewise, nobody could question the achievements of Gerrard or Torres. But when you compare Mascherano and Lucas to Carrick and Scholes, or Babel and Riera to Giggs and Nani even, it becomes clear whose squad is more complete.

Either Rafa himself, or his Sporting Director need to get their shit together. Liverpool is already hamstrung financially, and they aren't doing themselves any favors by wasting what little money they have on shitty players. Why not take the Barcelona approach? Quality homegrown players to make up the base, and whenever they need a world class player, they buy 23-28 years old and only one at a time. Dani Alves, Ibrahimovic, Henry. Build the squad piece by piece so it comes together gradually.

Rafa Benitez needs to learn the transfer market or find a new job. His transfer shortcomings have left Liverpool out in the cold. Sucks for them. Their title run is already over and it's only October. Hell, their Champion's League prospects for next year look pretty dim. Manchester City could take their spot- you heard it here first.